Well, last week I talked about Justin Bieber, so today I may as well address the other JB: the Jonas Brothers. Remember them? Come on. They were on the cover of Rolling Stone.
God! Girls! Guitars!
They haven’t released an album together since 2009, though Nick Jonas and Joe Jonas are both attempting solo careers. People frequently try to defend the Jonas Brothers against other acts (e.g. Justin Bieber) by pointing out that they write all their own songs! And play their own instruments! They do, I guess.
They also have awesomely literal music videos, like the one for S.O.S.:
Did you catch that? They’re on a ship. S.O.S. Texting also features more heavily in this video than any other video I’ve ever seen. Still: it’s a pretty catchy song, and much preferable to any of their ballads.
My favorite Jonas Brother is the eldest, Kevin. Kevin is the only JoBro who is not attempting a solo career. If you know what Kevin Jonas is currently up to, please let me know. I think he is probably just hanging out with his wife and playing a lot of video games and stalking his more ambitious younger siblings on Twitter.
In the Camp Rock movies, the Jonas Brothers stretch their acting talent to play a band. In the movies (as, I dare say, in real life?), Nick Jonas is the business-minded, self-righteous one. Joe Jonas is the asshole. Kevin Jonas is a total weirdo who is obsessed with birdhouses and is (I believe) supposed to be kind of charmingly naive but actually comes off as being legitimately mentally incapacitated in some way.
What's up, Kevin?
Kevin’s character in Camp Rock is obsessed with arts & crafts and specifically birdhouses. My friend Anna & I strongly believe that Kevin is missing out on an opportunity to sell Kevin Jonas-branded birdhouses. He and his wife are apparently getting their own reality show, which I for one am extremely excited about. They can tour birdhouse factories together and really let the audience get behind the scenes of their new business.
Build a little birdhouse in your soul
But seriously I don’t know who on earth besides my friend Anna & I are going to watch KevJo’s reality show. Most kids are already way over the Jonas Brothers anyway. And those who do still like the JoBros all prefer Nick or Joe.
In conclusion, I rate Kevin Jonas five birdhouses (out of a possible five).