Archive for December, 2011

December 9, 2011

Movie Review: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

Dawn Done Broke

So! I saw the Breaking Dawn movie. As is true of the entire series of Twilight movies, this one was faster-paced and wittier than the book. However, the book is a horribly clunky monstrosity, so I’m not saying too much. Still, which would you rather have: book Bella’s whiny internal monologue about how everyone will think she’s pregnant since she’s getting married, or movie Jessica’s bitchy whispered “Do you think she’ll be showing?”

I know, Jessica, it’s a total shame that you did not have more lines in this movie

Jessica’s drunk toast was also amazing. Actually, all of the toast were amazing, except for Edward’s. The problem with Twilight is that Bella and Edward are the very worst, most boring characters, and yet tragically they are the protagonists. Sigh.

Anyway, their bed-breaking honeymoon was pretty much exactly as horrifying as I hoped it would be. I also felt that their horrified maid was a perfect avatar for the audience. Seriously, what even?!

Then blah blah blah Bella is pro-life, her whole gross pregnancy was boring and gross. Not enough Jasper. Not nearly enough Jasper. Come on. Jasper is the dude who will pounce you if you get a paper cut, the dude who mysteriously sometimes has a Southern accent, the dude who was some kind of Civil War vampire cowboy, the dude whose face always looks like this…


… and yet the movie focuses on Edward, who spent his free time as a vampire learning every human language and watching Bella Swan sleep. What-ever.

Oh, also, I liked how in the movie all the other characters acknowledge that “Renesmee” is the dumbest possible name for a baby. I also give props to the movie for showing that Jacob pictures Renesmee as an adult when he falls in love with her. That makes the whole imprinting thing less creepy, right? Or, wait, more creepy? I just don’t know.

In conclusion, Breaking Dawn Part 1 did the best it could with its source material.

December 6, 2011

Music Tuesday: Drummer Boy

OK, there are a lot of posts I want to write, including some book reviews and all of my intense thoughts about the Breaking Dawn movie. But those are going to have to wait until I’m finished with this semester of grad school.

For now, let me just say that I have been listening to Justin Bieber’s Christmas album a lot.

First of all, his voice changed?! When did that happen?

Second of all, he has a song called “Drummer Boy” and Busta Rhymes raps in the middle of it and it’s amazing. I cannot even put into words how much enjoyment I have gotten out of this song.

I would like, if I may, to quote Busta Rhymes’s rap in its entirety:

Lemme get straight to it. Yo.
At the table with the family, havin’ dinner,
Blackberry on our hip and then it gave a little flicker.
Then I took a look to see before it activates the ringer;
Came to realize my homie Bieber hit me on the Twitter.
Then I hit him back despite I had some food up on my finger,
Sippin’ eggnog with a little sprinkle of vanilla,
Even though it’s kinda cold, pullin’ out a chinchilla,
Bieber hit me back and said, “Let’s make it hot up in the winter.”
I said, “Cool.” Ya know Imma deliver,
Let’s collaborate and make the holiday a little bigger.
Before we work I gotta get this off,
See the other family members and drop gifts off.
Then I’m headed to the studio cause ain’t nothing stopping how
You know we bout to turn it up and really get it poppin’ now.
People everywhere and all our Twitter followers,
“Merry Christmas, Kwanza, happy Hanukkah!”

GOD. THAT IS ART. What part do I like best? How Busta Rhymes’s phone apparently rings whenever he gets a tweet? How Busta Rhymes tweets at the dinner table despite having food on his finger? How Busta Rhymes wears chinchilla fur to stay warm? How Busta Rhymes wishes all of his Twitter followers warm holiday greetings?

How can I decide, it’s all so good. I’d also like to give a shout-out to my favorite part of Bieber’s rap:

It’s crazy how some people say, say they don’t care,
When there’s people on the street with no food; it’s not fair.
It’s about time for you to act merrily;
It’s about time for you to give to charity.
Rarely do people even wanna help at all,
‘Cause they warm by the fire, getting toys and their dolls.
Not thinking there’s a family out hungry and cold,
Wishin’ wishin’ that they had somebody they could hold.
So I think some of you need to act bold;
Give a can to a drive, let’s change the globe.

I actually just un-ironically love that part. It’s the complete opposite of John Mayer’s “Waiting for the World To Change,” which is probably my least favorite song of all time. Tell ’em, Bieber. Start a canned food drive! Save the world! Don’t wait for it to change! HOLLA!