:: The Optic Monologues ::

:: Saturday, July 13, 2002 ::

When was the last time you...

Smiled?
when i was watching 'but i'm a cheerleader' a few hours ago.
Laughed?
a few minutes ago, when i was in the shower.
*pause*
what? we have funny water.
Cried?
probably yesterday. i cry every day. i'm sensitive. i am a unique and beautiful snowflake.
Bought something?
pizza, a few hours ago.
Danced?
after i got out of the shower. don't give me that look, you all know you do it. it's the obligatory nakkie shower dance. you all do it. i *see* you. c'mon, shimmy with me.
Were sarcastic?
see above.
Talked to an ex?
does my middle finger count as talking? how about voodoo dolls? does it count if he's not present?
Watched your favorite movie?
moulin rouge - not in a long damn time. because i broke it. *sob*
LotR - looooong time.
swing kids - not available anymore. it's been years.
dead poet's society - over a year.
pi - last week.
star wars - last month.
almost famous - a month
SLC Punk - a couple months. i'm buying it on DVD tomorrow.
Had a nightmare?
it was supposed to stop?

A Last time for everything...
Last book you read?
Essential Buddhism.
Last movie you saw?
powerpuff girls.
Last song you heard?
that finished? the movie version of Come What May. i'm such a glutton for punishment.
Arif Marin's Seasons of Love. I never listen to Rent anymore. it's neat. We call this one the bubble song.
Last time you showered?
half an hour ago.
Last thing you ate?
kittens.

Do you...
Smoke?
not tobacco, or anything incredibly harmful. i like my lungs, thank you.
Do drugs?
sometimes. nothing hardcore.
Have sex?
i wish. i'm going crazy.
Sleep with stuffed animals?
i sleep with gremlins. live ones.
Live in the moment?
*throws glitter*
NDBT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i say i do. but i'm a total poseur. i even know this girl who measures her life in cups of coffee.
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
*grumble*
Have a dream that keeps coming back?
i think so....... but i don't ever remember it.
Believe there is life on other planets?
yup.
Remember your first love?
oh my god, i totally don't! what do you know. i'm such a silly face!
seriously. what kind of dipshit question is that? who wrote this?
Still love him/her?
i don't know; i forgot.
Believe in miracles?
define miracle.
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?
define faithful. to a person? to a cause? what. jesus. i'm adding my own questions to this thing.
Like the taste of alcohol?
you know, not really. i like the drinks, but alcohol tastes really shitty. but after you drink a little, it starts tasting really, really good.
Have a favorite candy?
sugar has been really unappealing to me lately. but i like gummies. and juicy pear jelly bellies. and toasted marshmallow ones. and s'moresels, which renata MUST try.
Believe in astrology?
i have no reason not to, nor ay reason to.
Believe in magic?
i believe in the magick of pagan and wiccan faiths, but that's pretty open to interpretation.
Believe in God?
i believe in the possibility of one. or many.
Pray?
yeah, sometimes.
Go to church?
western church tradaitions are bullshit. it's just a big social hour. but don't get me started.
Have any secrets?

Have any pets?
yeah. cats: Friskey, 15, and Sara, 9.
Dog: Belle, 5. disturbingly smart.
Fish: Curtis.
Have any piercing?
ears. i want more in my ears. and one on my lip. and one in my eyebrow, which will probably happen soon.
Have any tattoos?
no, but i've been considering a design for my feet.
Hate yourself?
usually.
Have an obsession?
i, like renata, prefer the word "passion"...... and, yes. i suppose.
Collect anything?
i like whales. and tarsiers. and llamas. but there aren't many tarsier collectables, nor llamas.
Have a best friend?
i guess josh is the closest thing to a best friend that i have.
Have any bad habits?
being too truthful. shredding the skin off my arms with a potato peeler.
Care about looks?
everyone cares about looks to a certain extent. it's a biological necessity. but i do obsess over mine quite a lot.
Believe in witches?
um..... pagan ones. i don't really see how you couldn't.
Believe in Satan?
no. but i believe in kittens.
Believe in ghosts?
absolutely. i have a theory on them. one is that you're not actually seeing the person's essence yourself, but energy. when people die they leave some kind of energy unique to them at the time of their death, like a fingerprint. some people are more sensitive to these energies, and the human mind somehow translates these accordingly into a vision. there is a purpose for everything about us, biologically, so one must wonder what the purpose for that is. obviously, *something* about ghosts exist, since people experience them constantly, and always have. but the fact that they occasionally interact with us and our surroundings is what's perplexing. that would indicate that they're actually *here* in our time frame, instead of just being a fingerprint.
Have a second family?
my friends. my band, a long time ago.
Trust others easily?
with myself, no. with everything else, yes.
Like noise?
silence is scary.
Take walks in the rain?
always. i fucking love the rain.
Kiss with your eyes closed?
actually, no. i know that's really annoying. but i almost never close my eyes when i kiss. it's weird.
Sing in the shower?
nope. no radio. i do all of my singing in the car, though. i'm notorious all over town for signing in the car.
Own handcuffs?
i wish.
Have any scars?
yes. i have one on my right arm from a band trip. i got on the Batman ride in Six Flags. when i got off, i had a cut on my arm.
What is your greatest extravagance?
sleep.
What is the sound you love most?
heroin roasting over a roaring kitten. ;)
What do you regard as the lowest depths of misery?
lol........ what kind of asswipe writes these questions?
Boxers or briefs?
omg! how can you go from "what do you regard as the lowest depths of misery" to "boxers of briefs"?
boxer-briefs. or boxers. because men wear baggy briefs, and it's disturbing.
What is your favorite curse word?
fuck. i say fuck in most of my fuckin' sentances. i've gotta fuckin' stop.
What is your most treasured possession?
my dried flesh of virgins, fashioned into a lovely scrunchie.
:: Delanor Benson 3:04 AM [+] ::

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:: Friday, July 12, 2002 ::

You are much like your relative, hash, only discretion is adviced upon your company as to weather you are the distinctive quality of sweet pungant smelling buds, or crappy kiff or leaf. Like hash, you have a funny effect on people making time with you a strange and wonderful concept to perceptualise. People enjoy listening to music with you and can spend much time discussing the varying depths of sound or other such stuff, either that or they sit for a time in a semi-comatosed state. Often people in your company think they can understand Einstien's theory of relativity when infact they are so shitfaced they cant even tie up their shoes laces, but as it has been found, neither could Einstien. Sometimes you make people paranoid and they walk down dark alley ways and creep along parked cars to elude the police from seeing them. Spending great amounts of time with you makes people want to lose their job and live an alternative lifestyle supplying the state with their yearly yeilds..of your kind. Often they get bored of the idea soon and begin eating smaller amounts of the stuff or giving up cigarrettes, before they have a psychotic episode and join their crazy diamond of a friend in the mental ward.

Find Out If You Were A Drug, What You Would Be!

quiz by ravenritings

I'm seriously flattered.
:: Delanor Benson 8:32 PM [+] ::

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:: Delanor Benson 8:23 PM [+] ::

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:: Thursday, July 11, 2002 ::

hopefully Fleetwood will be so distracted by my shiny word usage and clever, catchy sayings that he will miss the fact that this paper is FUCKING STUPID and has no substance. it's all fluff and speculation. i feel like i'm writing a review, not a research paper.

aaaaand that it's not going to be done today.

i've taken far too much adderall in trying to finish this paper. and i'm losing concentration again. damn. i'm getting so stressed. i never have time to get props for the show, which Jenny needs pronto. i've got all these doctor's appointments, tentative plans, and responsibilities. they just swirl around, and i can't get one to stop long enough to work on it.

i had a trauma yesterday. i got a letter from EIU housing, thinking that it was just another reminder of my room number, phone number, etc. wrong. it was a letter saying that, as the policy goes, people with a junior standing and up get priority for single rooms. and, since we're having the biggest number of people request housing ever, i'm being kicked out of 202 McKinney. even though i had medical reasons for needing a single room. now, i didn't even *want* to be in McKinney in the first place. i'm all about Lawson. but i absolutely cannot have a roomate. and the letter said i basicly either had to pair up with another rejected double-as-single girl, let them place me where they can stick me with a roomate, or void the contract. i flipped. i can't live with someone. the only reason i didn't A) drop out of school, or B) shoot myself was because i had a private place to go. if you have a roomate, where do you go when you're feeling shitty? because, for me, that's all the time. well, i called them and asked if they seriously priotitized seniority over medical need. and they said that if i got medical documentation to them before the 22, i could have my single. problem solved.
:: Delanor Benson 6:21 AM [+] ::

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:: Wednesday, July 10, 2002 ::

guess who got accepted to volunteer at Warped Tour in Indy? me. sa-weet. i'll volunteer at the PETA2 booth for a certain amount of time, sell stuff, get to talk to people, meet people, and i might get to catch a band. hell yes. how fun is that?

must. write. paper.
:: Delanor Benson 5:09 PM [+] ::

...

in my research into the Rent world, i could not find any negative, coherant thought. i found negative stuff, but it wasn't really credible or factual. just vague labels. or just asinine, juvenile rubbish. that stuff was amusing. and so was this AIM convo between Renata and I:

Del: omg
Del: listen to this '99 review
Del: "O.K., I know it is supposed to be stylish and trendy, but no set design whatsoever is a little bit ridiculous. No curtain to hide the stage? A little more ridiculous.
That is not even the worst part. The entire play is the most depressing, uninspiring thing I have ever seen. Some characters have AIDS, some are poor, excetera excetera. Just an overall downer."
Renata: lol!
Renata: that's the best thing ever.
Del: AIDS and vagrancy are so *dull*. jesus.
Del: instead of Mimi and Roger having AIDS, i think they should have kittens.
Renata: TALKING kittens
Renata: who want to go to the jellicle ball!
Del: *rolls about*
Renata: exaaaactly
Renata: *snickets*
Del: talking, singing, dancing kittens who flail about and present themselves within trivial incoherent plots!
Renata: yay!
Del: they should turn the homeless people into giant lollipops.
Renata: and angel should actually be an angel
Del: *giggle*

there you have it. Angel should actually be an angel, Mimi and Roger should have Jellicle kittens, not AIDS, and all homeless people should be turned into giant lollipops.

the entire thesis of this paper is wishy-washy and vague. you can't write a research paper on art, because it can't be broken down to the factual. but whatever. at least it semi-intrests me, though i would have rather done it on the fight for gay marriage or adoption or something. it's all good. in the computer lab i talked to an old friend. and she reminded me how much i really, really hate conservatives. she's a good girl, just a little pretentious and mis-lead. her intentions are good. but she said that Rent was incredibly immoral and trashy. immoral, meaning it has those sinful homosexuals in it, and it deals with drugs and sex. never mind that it preaches *against* drug abuse and promiscuous sex to a certain extent. her main problem is that it has those terrible homosexuals in it. because, obviously, the bible scorns homosexuals 8 times, so we must set up organizations like Exodus. even though no one is sure whether the original bible actually scorned homosexuals at all. even though it speaks against, say, women engaging in sexual acts during their menstruation. why is it that homosexuality is presented as such a threat, but not bloody vagina sex?

anyway. i'm on a tangent. i've just been irked about that all day.
www.psiguy.com
cool guy. has more to say about christianity and religion than anyone i have ever met. certainly any christian. he has lots of stuff about it on his site, so you'd have to dig around, but it's very interesting stuff.
:: Delanor Benson 5:11 AM [+] ::

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:: Sunday, July 07, 2002 ::

i should update. i have to update on lilo and stitch. i have to update on getting pulled over. i have to update on the andrea situation. i have to update on powerpuff girls.

but i can't.

i hate music theory.
:: Delanor Benson 2:13 AM [+] ::

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