:: The Optic Monologues ::

:: Saturday, June 01, 2002 ::

so, i woke up at 5 p.m. today. and it was immediately a shitty day, because apparently i'm not cool enough to go to the movies. i was really mopey. so i practiced my horn awhile, then went out driving. i was just gassing up to go to WalMart in princeton for fun (yes, this is what we do for fun. literally. when Mt.Carmelites are bored, we go to WalMart and wander around) when thomas called. and said he had been sitting around all day too. so we banded together and went to IHOP. and then we went home and watched 200 Cigarettes until thom was really tired. so it wasn't such a bad day. but now i'm bored again, and will probably watch Guys and Dolls before falling into blissful sleep.

class starts in 6 days.
:: Delanor Benson 3:58 AM [+] ::

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:: Friday, May 31, 2002 ::

i got a baritone? apparently the guy a talked to at H&H is apparently wrong...... dad went over today to take that clarinet back, and he asked about tones/euphs. and they said that they *do* rent them. so.

so, i went to nycbloggers.com out of boredom. it's a neeeat site. these people live such a different life than i. and it's daunting. they see all that concrete and steel. i'm such a country bumpkin. i've been on more hayrides than i'd care to mention. but dude. when dad and i went on that NYC subway last july....... it was the coolest thing ever. what a concept. the same with the L in chicago. wow.

so, sarah called me that one time. and she acted really distant and detached. i don't think she'll ever move back. and i'm done fighting. i sent her a phone card, and she still hasn't called since our brief and weird convo earlier. now, i realize she's busy changing her mom's diapers and taking care of kim and the kids (all understandable), but i doubt she hasn't had 10 minutes to get on a payphone and talk to me. i know they have Denny's in Florida. if my phone had been cut off, and she had sent me a phone card, i would have driven to kentucky to use to only existing payphone as soon and i could. but apparently she's worth a four day drive (twice), and i'm not worth a phone call. or NOT. i'll give her the benefit of the doubt, but if the only call she makes is that last-minute one (last-minute is the credo of the clan) to breifly work out where and when to pick her up...... i'm not sure if i'm fuckin' gonna do it or not.

tonight's blog playlist:
NIN - Starfuckers
Aerosmith - Dream On
Alanis Morisette - One Hand In My Pocket
Alkaline Trio - Sorry About That
Lord of the Rings - The Breaking of the Fellowship
:: Delanor Benson 1:48 AM [+] ::

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:: Thursday, May 30, 2002 ::

where the hell is my commenting system? *sigh* whatever. not a big issue.

i'm ready to start school. my classes seem interesting. i can't wait to get back to Music Theory and Aural Training and prove to them that i can do it. because i can. raar.

it is amazing that i lead a simple, semi-privelaged life life and still find things to bitch about. wow. like, "waaaa, i sleep 13 hours a day, then go to a movie and fuck around online, then read until i get sleepy!" loling. how silly.

why are all my leisure books non-fiction? whyyy? i took my Adderall one morning after no sleep, and read 250 pages. and i was so proud that i read so much fiction. until i realized that Ragtime isn't *really* fiction..... it's a fictional story interwoven with real people and events. recommend me one.... when my commenting system is back up..... *frowl*
:: Delanor Benson 1:39 AM [+] ::

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my father snores faaaar too much. it's annoying. it's so loud it used to scare me at night.

i should probably get a job. really. shock everyone. shatter that lovely little spoiled rich girl image*. too bad we were never rich. anyway, i'd LOVE to have diposable income. since daddy pays for house/food/car, i'd have disposable income up the wazoo, and wouldn't have to ask him for money to see musicals, bands, movies, etc. he really can't afford it now, with college. and i feel like an ass...... after you turn 18 (and even before) you feel like a HUGE loser asking parents for cash. i always did, but moreso now. before he handled it fine, but mom can't go back to work, so dad's paying for her medical bills and my college, and it makes Cabaret seem a little inconsequential. i have a lot of free time on my hands. i have doubts that she simply CAN'T go back to work ever....... it's not like she lost both her arms or anything. but where the hell do you get a job in this town? there's a high school of 700 and a jr.college. in a town of 8,000. and everyone needs a job. and i have no previous experience. aaaand call me picky, but fast-food is completely out. i'm genuinely frightened of the people that work at McDonalds, except for Pam and Lisa. i would feel nasty peddling flesh for people to chew on, anyway. totally hypocritical. shit, but that leaves out grocery stores and all resturaunts. the only chains in the area. any ideas?

* i wrote a Poor Little Rich Girl rant in my private LJ. so much good is associated with money, that i've always felt guilty ever complaining about anything. hence, i feel uncomfortable ranting in my blog. i haaate it when *other* people bitch constantly about silly things too.
if i ever give out the addy, you can read it. but don't hold your breath. and watch out for those ice skating demons.

*sigh* the vegetarian thing is going slowly. i don't have the cash for soy-based products, and i unfortuneatly gag when i try to eat salad. i try, i really do. i gag every time. i don't get it.... i love veggies, i love ranch-flavored stuff....... *sigh* why did my parents let me eat steak and junk food every single day of my youth? it's the reason i'm a fatass in the first place. i ate pepperoni yesterday, and have had chicken strips two or three times in past couple of months. this is so hard. i'll never fucking be vegan, it seems. cheese is a huge part of my life.
:: Delanor Benson 1:13 AM [+] ::

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:: Wednesday, May 29, 2002 ::

feelin' a bit out of place.

apparently EIU gets out of school earlier than everyone in the world...... because all my friends are slaving away with homework and finals. and i've been out of classes for a month. the hs just got out yesterday. i'm not complaining at all. yet i know not what it is like to slave at homework. or even look at it. i'm sure all my slaving friends taking a study break are going to pelt me with kiwi when they read that. don't worry! i SWEAR i'll slave next year. i've got the drugs now. heck, i start comp here in a week. feh. i always feel so guilty when people are hitting the books when i go home and give in to laziness and/or random sleep. like they hold it against me.

saw Spirit tonight. highly reccomended. the animals don't talk. and there's lots of Bryan Adams and synth.

Capt.Spankeypants FINALLY answered the motherfucking phone yesterday. i went and picked up my stuff with Josh. combination opened on the FIRST TRY. i'm not even going to question it. remembered why i'm glad to be home. i had the resist the urge to go back to my room and nap before driving back home.

why am i so tired? i "ran" upstairs for something this morning a hour after i woke (from sleeping the usual 13 hours) and i was so exhausted after it i had to take another nap. i don't get it. i have no appetite either. i'm tired now, and it's only midnight. ate too much. bad del. and they think counseling might do some good........ except they're spaced at least 3 weeks apart. so apparently seeing Viki 4 times is going to cure me. right.

you can do it, put'yo back into it!
i can do it, put'yo *THWACK* into it!
some censored songs are so funny.
:: Delanor Benson 11:56 PM [+] ::

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:: Monday, May 27, 2002 ::

summer's boring. i literally have nothing amusing or interesting to say. except that my new meds make it really easy to concentrate, and i read nearly an entire novel this morning in 4 hours. i think i'll stop taking them. maybe that's why i have nothing to say.

i should have gone to school full time this summer.
:: Delanor Benson 12:07 AM [+] ::

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