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Thursday, July 03, 2003

listening to: tori, gold dust

i'm kind of.. i don't know. happier than i've been in a while. (not that i've been unhappy recently. just that now i'm happier.) and, i'm really happy that i wrote that fic. because.. i don't know. i was sort of depressed junior year and i just stopped writing anything, except for this blog, because i was afraid it would be bad. and i just didn't even want to try. which... you know. *shrug* and then senior year i sort of. reevaluated. and then i wrote a couple silly little things for brome. and. yeah.

so it was good for me to just.. sit down and write. and it came out... better than i feared. not a great fic, but not something i'm ashamed of. it's hard for me to see things i've done in other people's eyes. because to me... i'm always afraid i guess that things i see... are just the obvious, that everyone sees things the way i do and i'm just being redundant.

so yeah. i'm glad i finally wrote that. even if it's not what i meant to write. and i'm glad i asked people to read it. which was hard. like.. even though it was kait and talia, and not like... someone scary and evil.. it's still opening myself up for rejection. aaah rejection. and then, while i still had my nerve up, i sent it to a x-men movie fic mailing list. and, one person emailed me already to say that they liked it. and they don't know me! a stranger liked it! *dance*

so yeah. i listened to scarlet's walk on my way in and out of town this morning, and i got sort of inspired. i was thinking about maybe writing an x2 series of scarlet's walk songfics, because.. well because the album is about this whole journey, so i can sort of see all the characters in at least one piece of scarlet. and i think, based on withered, the short-ish songfic is something good for me to... verbally teethe on, i guess. because the length of the song keeps it from being too long, and with "your cloud" it helped me when i got stuck, because i could just go back to the song, and be like "okay.. why did this remind me of scott in the first place.." and usually come back with something new. yeah. still trying to find kurt. i think the things that draw me most to kurt-- his devotion, his innocence, his... you know, stuff... make him hardest for me to wrap my mind around. we don't have much in common.

i don't know. i'm talking too much about myself again. i'm going to go shower. and then maybe try to write again. more. yay! god.. i'm sort of drunk on this whole thing.

posted by ~renata~ at 11:14 AM
(0) commented with care

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