Author Archives: renata

A Highly Subjective Audio-Visual Guide to the World of ALW

Hi, it’s me, your podcast friend Renata! I love musicals but don’t know anything about music. Having recently read Andrew Lloyd Webber’s memoir Unmasked for Worst Bestsellers, I thought I’d take this opportunity to highlight some of my personal favorite works of ALW’s! Disclaimer: I literally just told you I don’t know anything about music.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

My overview: The very first ALW & Tim Rice collabo! Shockingly good considering it was written by babies. A favorite of schools & community theater groups because there are so many brothers to cast. There are much worse shows to be forced to watch children perform.

Highlights:

Jacob and Sons

Here’s why Jacob and Sons/Coat of Many Colors rules: this musical starts off with a regular overture and then “Any Dream Will Do,” a perfectly good but kind of standard ballad. And then suddenly everyone is just yelling a list of Biblical names and colors at you. It’s overwhelming and it rewires your whole brain to passively accept everything that follows.

This video is from the 1999 direct-to-VHS movie starring Donny Osmond. Please admire appreciate the advancements we’ve made in greenscreen and wig technologies since then.

 

Go Go Go Joseph

This isn’t the full song but it’s the catchiest part and I just wanted you to see this footage from the 2014 tour that starred 2 people who did not win American Idol. But the background dancers in the Donny Osmond version have bonkers amazing costumes so I would also encourage you to check that out.

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights:

  • Next time you take a selfie and aren’t sure how to capture it, consider: “I look handsome, I look smart, I am a walking work of art.”
  • Just a pro-tip: if your pet has a 2 syllable name this is a great song to sing to them, eg “Go go go Duarte! Sha la la Duarte, you’re doing fine!”
  • Once Kait and I participated in a Broadway trivia night at Trident Booksellers, and I was very disappointed that we missed a question about the colors in Joseph’s coat. But I just watched the special features on the DVD of this and the producer went around asking everyone to list all the colors, and Tim Rice himself fucked it up so I feel better. There are…so many colors in that coat.

Cast Recording Recommendation: the 1992 Canadian Cast Recording feat Donny Osmond. (It’s on Spotify.)

 

Jesus Christ Superstar

My overview: This musical is incredibly good, and weirdly seems to be equally beloved whether or not you are a Christian. It has something for everyone. I did not realize this for the longest time and avoided checking it out because I assumed it was some kind of religious propaganda but it’s really not.

OK first of all if you haven’t watched the whole NBC Live version of this, I would so encourage you to watch the whole thing. Honestly, it’s so good.

Highlights:

“Heaven on their Minds”

The first time I really encountered JCS was actually seeing the Broadway revival in 2012, essentially on a whim (nudged by my friends Stacey and Leanna). This is the FIRST SONG of the show and as soon as it started I was like oh fuck this is so good, I can’t believe I didn’t know this is what Jesus Christ Superstar was!?

This is from the 1973 movie version. I want to highlight it because I realized I actually saw the Mr. Show parody “Jeepers Creepers Semi-Star” before I saw the movie and then I was like “wow this parody is actually an extremely faithful tribute.”

 

“Everything’s Alright”

Here’s the version from the NBC live. It’s great. Hum it to yourself next time you order some fine ointments from Sephora.

 

“The Temple”

I love it in this song when Jesus hulks out and smashes up the tables, and the first time I watched the NBC live version I was concerned that the minimal staging would not allow much hulking out. But then the stagehand came out with the bucket of glitter and I was reassured that I was in good hands.

 

“I Don’t Know How To Love Him”

I just want you to know that there’s a filmed version of an arena tour of JCS that stars Tim Minchin as Judas and Melanie C (AKA SPORTY SPICE) as Mary, and Jesus was cast on a reality competition show. “I Don’t Know How To Love Him” is not actually one of my favorite songs from JCS but I wanted to have a Spice Girl in this post.

 

“Superstar”

If you know one song from JCS it’s probably the titular Superstar. Here’s the cast of the 2012 revival at the Tony Awards. When I saw this production, Judas came out over the audience on a platform and he was like, right above my head in that sparkly blue suit and I have still not recovered from the experience. (The bummer of the 2012 revival was that it was imported from Canada and had an extremely white cast, but they did their best. THAT BLUE SUIT THO!)

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights:

  • “Like his father carving wood, he’d have made good/Tables, chairs, and oaken chests would have suited Jesus best”
  • “One thing I’ll say for him: Jesus is cool”
  • I’m obsessed with when Jesus and Judas fight and Jesus says “You liar! You Judas!” and Judas says “Christ! You deserve it!”
  • On the special features of the 1973 JCS movie, there’s an interview with Tim Rice where he says that in the 1970s “superstar” was a new word and it was bold of them to put it in the title because the word “superstar” might have fallen out of fashion. But it didn’t, good job Sir Tim. (I tried to find this clip on YouTube but I couldn’t so just take my word for it. Or watch the special features on the DVD of the 1973 Jesus Christ Superstar movie.)

Cast Recording Recommendation: At this very moment I have four different versions of JCS downloaded to my phone. The 2018 NBC Live recording is probably a good once to start with, but there are multiples available on Spotify if you want to check them out and find your personal fave.

Evita

My overview: Evita gets a lot of shit, some of which is valid. A lot of it is about how “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” is overwrought (and slightly nonsensical) and that is true actually but there are like 20 other great songs in this show. A lot of it is about how the real Eva Peron was a Bad Person Actually and like…yeah, dude, she’s a bad person in the show too. But that’s a feature, not a bug. This is a messy show about a messy woman who absolutely did horrible things, but also was working within the context of her society. She saw so clearly what her path to power and importance was and went hard for it. And then she died of cancer when she was 33, bye.

The other thing about Evita is that a lot of people hate on the movie, which stars Madonna as Evita and Antonio Banderas as Che. (SIDE NOTE: the character of Che is meant to be kind of an everyman narrator figure and not like, literally Che Guevara? Che like…doesn’t actually seem exist or directly interact with anyone in most of the scenes.) I’m here to tell you though: that movie is fucking good and Madonna is good and Antonio Banderas is good. (Also yes I hear you, it’s not great for Evita to be played by a non-Hispanic white person but just purely on a musical level…my hot take is that Madonna is good.)

Highlights:

“Eva and Magaldi/Beware of the City”

This is such a killer “I Want” song and so perfectly sets up Eva as a savvy operator even as a teen girl. She’s fucking her way to the top and sure, that’s maybe not ideal, but if this middle-aged tango singer is willing to fuck a 15-year-old girl then he’s gross and deserves to give Eva a ride to Buenos Aires. If you want to go fucking deep into this I recommend Seth Rudetsky’s deconstruction. As I have said before, I do not actually know anything about music but Seth does and he will break that shit down for you. I also feel like this song is criminally underrated and I’m extremely validated by everything Seth points out about it!!!!

Me & Seth Rudetsky

BTW I met Seth Rudetsky once #brag

 

“Buenos Aires”

Speaking of “Buenos Aires,” Here’s Patti LuPone singing it at the 1981 Tony Awards. This look she’s serving is…extremely 1981 Tony Awards, I guess.

“Peron’s Latest Flame”

I just love a song where the entire army yells “SLUT!” in unison.

“Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”

I said it before, I’ll say it again: this is one of my least favorite songs from this show. Still: here’s Patti LuPone singing it at the 2018 Grammy Awards, which healed her feud with ALW. (The only good video I could find of this also includes Ben Platt singing “Somewhere” from West Side Story, which is also good TBH, but if you want to skip to “Argentina” it starts around 3:30.)

I will say that in reading Unmasked I was particularly validated to see ALW say that he and Tim Rice were aware that the lyrics don’t quite make sense but they basically couldn’t think of anything better/figured everyone would be too overwhelmed with emotions to care.

 

“Rainbow High”

This is maybe my favorite song from Evita. Also, a big part of the reason why the 1996 Evita movie set the world record for most costume changes in a movie. (I refuse to google if anything has broken that record since then, I won’t acknowledge it.)

“You Must Love Me”

This song was written specially for the Evita movie, which gives Evita even more songs to sing. (In the movie she also steals “Another Suitcase” from Peron’s mistress–which honestly I don’t mind, I think it also makes sense for Eva to sing that sentiment. It’s just that in the stage musical Evita is already a super difficult role to perform. Madonna didn’t have to make this movie 8 times a week so let her sing as much as she wants.)

Anywho, it’s not my fave song from the movie but Lana Del Rey covered it for ALW’s birthday celebration, and I do love Lana. I do.

“And the Money Kept Rolling In”

OK so I saw the 2012 Broadway revival of Evita, which starred Ricky Martin as Che and Elena Roger as Eva. When I heard about the casting, I was initially like “ugh, okay, I guess Ricky Martin will be fine” and “it’s great that they cast an Argentinean actress as Eva!” Um, but then I saw it, and, um, actually…Ricky Martin was pretty good and Elena was……not…..my favorite?? And again, I do super understand that Eva is a really difficult role but I just did not like her voice, or…I just didn’t care for her performance like, at all.  SORRY. Anyway, for that year’s Tony awards they performed “And the Money Kept Rolling In” which is a great Che song where Eva has like 1 line and basically stands on a pedestal looking shady.

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights:

  • “Mourning all day and mourning all night”
  • “I want to be a part of B.A., Buenos Aires, Big Apple”
  • “I come from the people, they have to adore me, so Christian Dior me”
  • “Great distress/in the tidiest offiicers’ mess”
  • Also I just want to point out that Eva Peron’s maiden name was DUARTE

Cast Recording Recommendation: This is a controversial take but the majority of the time when I seek out Evita to listen to, I go for the 1996 movie soundtrack. SORRY PATTI. SORRY ELAINE. NOT SORRY ELENA.

Cats

My overview: Cats was the first musical I ever saw live and I think that’s true for a lot of people. (Obviously Duarte loves it too.) This isn’t a show that I often think about or listen to, but after reading Unmasked I went back and listened to the cast recording again and I have to say…a lot of these songs are jams. I also think that in this day and age, when SpongeBob SquarePants the musical just got a billion Tony nominees, why are we all still sort of holding on to dancers dressed like cats as like the peak most ridiculous Broadway show. (Disclaimer: I haven’t seen SpongeBob and I hear it’s legitimately great!)

Anyway I think what I’m realizing is that Cats is like Twilight for me, where I started off neutral about it but the more people shit on it the more intensely I want to defend it.

Highlights:

“Jellicle Songs”

“Rum Tum Tugger”

Um I just searched YouTube for Rum Tum Tugger and was interested to see that Todrick Hall had played Rum Tug Tugger so I clicked it and then all the comments are about how he isn’t sexy enough in Cats so nevermind, I think Cats is bad

“Memory”

Obviously it’s overplayed I’m sorry but this song is still beautiful, even when I’m scream-singing it in my car. Here’s Nicole Scherzinger performing it at the Olivier Awards. Fun fact: Nicole was both a Pussycat Doll and a Cat.

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights: N/A

Cast Recording Recommendation: Broadway cast recording but I don’t feel strongly about it

Phantom of the Opera

My overview: I know this is maybe overall ALW’s greatest hit. I’ve seen Phantom live twice, and I enjoy the spectacle and the chandelier and the dancers and whatnot, but I have never in my life sat down and thought, “let me pull up some music from Phantom to listen to” and I’m not going to start now. I was very intrigued to learn from Unmasked that ALW originally had the idea to make the Phantom musical more of a campy satire, which I think I would enjoy.

Highlights:

I just said I’m not going to listen to this, but here’s a picture of the embrace we tried to describe on the podcast.

Phantom of the Opera

(This is James Barbour and Ali Ewoldt and it’s from a CNN backstage video that you could watch here if you’re into Phantom. I did not watch it.)

 

I did really enjoy this weird mashup of School of Rock, Cats, and Phantom that they did on Good Morning America for ALW’s birthday. It really highlights what a fucking weirdo the Phantom is.

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights: N/A 🙁

Cast Recording Recommendation: Pass

Starlight Express

My overview: I’ve never seen this but I’m very mad that in Unmasked, ALW proposed a roller skate-free revival of this. No way, if I’m ever going to see this I want full roller skates or nothing.

Highlights:

Here’s Starlight Express at the 1987 Tony Awards; notable for being introduced by Angela Lansbury and also for the roller skates.

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights: N/A 🙁

Cast Recording Recommendation: London cast (but also mainly just poke around YouTube if you’re interested)

Aspects of Love

My overview: Pass

Sunset Boulevard

My overview: I haven’t dug deep into this but it’s another musical with a thorny lady lead and some old Hollywood camp.

Highlights:

“This Time Next Year”

“Sunset Boulevard”

Just for Kait, here’s John Barrowman singing the title song.

“As If We Never Said Goodbye”

Pls enjoy Glenn Close’s turban realness.

And finally, a weird live Sunset Boulevard medley from Patti LuPone and Seth Rudetsky.

Tim Rice Lyrical Genius Highlights: N/A 🙁

Cast Recording Recommendation: Pick your poison: the 1993 London cast gets you Patti LuPone and the 1994 Broadway is Glenn Close, so it’s hard to go wrong. (Only the Broadway is on Spotify though.)

The Woman in White

My overview: I’ve never been curious enough to look into this at all. Is it about a ghost? I might be interested if she’s a ghost. I just checked Wikipedia and there’s a song called “You See I Am No Ghost”, so, pass. (Also, apparently Michael Crawford got sick from wearing a fat suit for this?? Why not a simple, lightweight ghost costume. Surely that would be preferable.)

Also I know this is based on a book but I’ve never read the book, either.

Love Never Dies

My overview: I saw this earlier this year because the touring production was part of the Broadway in Boston season. I was intrigued to see it, because it’s kind of a famous flop. Unfortch (or fortunately?) I was sick and fevery the day of the show. I still went but I find that I can remember almost nothing about it. Is it a result of the quality of the show or my illness? Perhaps both? I definitely remember thinking what the fuck often. I was shocked to read in Unmasked that ALW considers this his best work. Maybe Andrew is just horny for the Phantom, as so many theatergoers are.

In looking this up I learned that ALW was working on another Phantom sequel but his cat destroyed the score. What a heroic cat. I hope the cat writes a memoir about it.

School of Rock

My overview: I’ve heard this is actually good but I haven’t listened to any of the music from it! I am going to see the tour when it comes to Boston and I’m kind of saving it for myself to be a surprise when I see it. I mean I have seen the movie so I know the plot, but, still.

Highlights:

Here’s School of Rock‘s performance from the 2016 Tony Awards.

 

OK goodbye, that’s all I have to say about Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber at this time!

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Christmas Caramels and Other Murder Foods

We read The Christmas Caramel Murder by Joanne Fluke! It’s kind of a mystery and kind of a cookbook, so we tried out some of the recipes. Our overall summary is: these are…fine recipes. They all created products that were mostly enjoyable to consume. They were all fairly simple, although they often had somewhat strange proportions.

Here’s what we made:

  • Gingerbread Pancakes
  • Red Velvet Whippersnappers
  • Red Raspberry Muffins
  • The titular Christmas Caramels

 

We collected together all of our ingredients and gathered at Renata’s house for our cooking extravaganza.

 

 


Duarte wanted to help cook but played coy about posing for photos.

I mostly wanted to make the gingerbread pancakes because I had recently gotten a Pusheen pancake pan (from the Pusheen Box!) and I wanted to use it.

Pusheen Pan

I’d never used a pancake pan like that before and it took some trial and error before I got the technique down. Unfortunately, the darker color of the gingerbread pancake batter wasn’t especially conducive to cat designs, so they never looked great. They tasted fine, though. I made the batter in advance and let it rest in the fridge the night before, as she suggested in the recipe. (As we mentioned the podcast, she said this very casually as if we were all always doing this with pancake batter? But I never have in my life.)

Pancakes pancakes pancakes

The Red Raspberry Muffins were also…fine. They called for both raspberry jam and frozen raspberries, but then only 1 cup of frozen raspberries which wasn’t really enough to get a good raspberry-to-bite ratio. The batter was also portioned as such that even though, presumably, they were writing this recipe from scratch, there was too much batter for 12 muffins but not enough for 24 and it said right in the recipe to put extra batter into a loaf pan and make a tea cake? So we did that.

The Red Velvet Whippersnappers were, again, fine? They’re basically a chocolate chip cookie but with boxed red velvet cake mix as the base, and then also dipped in powdered sugar and with a maraschino cherry on top.

Plate

 

Then there were the Christmas caramels. TBH, I was very hesitant to attempt making them, because my mom makes them every year at Christmas and she always ruins at least one batch even though she’s done it dozens of times, because it’s just a tricky recipe. Kait was ambitious, though, so we gave it a crack.

They turned out, well, less than fine, I guess? They came out as a hard candy. (According to my mom, this means the candy got too hot while cooking. That candy thermometer is a harsh mistress!)

Hard Candy ChristmasHard candy pieces
And finally, we made hot lemonade, which is not a recipe given by the author, but one of the characters drinks it. We used this recipe from AllRecipes, except I squeezed in a little extra lemon juice and that was a mistake. It turned out….extremely lemony and we added a huge amount of honey to counteract the lemon. And then I accidentally got drunk on it.

hot lemonade :(

If you learn one thing from us, please: don’t drink hot lemonade. But if you must drink it: drink responsibly.

In summary: the recipes included in this cozy mystery are fine, but if you’re really looking for quality recipes you’re probably better served (see what I did there) by an actual cookbook. Check out our readers advisory page for the podcast episode for suggestions of more cookbooks and more mysteries!

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Bed & Breakfast & Borden Murder

One of my favorite pieces of writing is an essay by Sarah Vowell entitled “God Will Give You Blood to Drink in a Souvenir Shot Glass.” (The essay is collected in The Partly Cloudy Patriot but sadly does not seem to be available online on its own anywhere. The book is worth seeking out if you haven’t read it and you’re into nerdy historical tourism.) Anyway, the essay is about tourism in sites of historical tragedies, mainly Salem, Massachusetts, and how odd it is to reconcile having a fun, enjoyable tourist time in a site where horrible atrocities were committed. As a recent transplant to Massachusetts, I’ve also visited Salem and also had a great time enjoying the beautiful town where young women were put to death a long time ago.

The Lizzie Borden B&B has really leaned into that whole vibe. When you walk into the house, you start, of course, with the gift shop, which features Lizzie Borden bobble heads and baby onesies printed with “I love my Mommy TO DEATH” with a little axe. It’s very light-hearted for the site of a gruesome double-murder. But the murders were a long time ago, so now we can have fun.

pals!

We’re here to investigate a murder, but let’s have fun with it!

Lizzie Borden B&B

The house itself was, well…like a B&B. It’s furnished with period-appropriate furniture, but it’s also a working B&B, so everything that’s out is sat upon and slept upon by tourists every day. As we went through on our tour, getting more details about the day-to-day life of the Bordens and the murder itself, I just couldn’t get over the fact that people pay money to sleep in this B&B every day.

 

Skull Replicas

Just a curio cabinet with some replica murder skulls, like every B&B has

 

What's A Home Without a Father?

Ironic cross-stitch and significant replica key; apparently Andrew Borden knew that Lizzie had stolen some trolley tickets and money from him and responded by keeping his door locked but the key out in plain sight as some kind of test…

 

Naturally they leave a replica hatchet lying around for you to pose with

Naturally they leave a replica hatchet lying around for you to pose with

 

Naturally we posed with the hatchet

Naturally we posed with the hatchet

 

We have fun

Jokes!

 

The maid's bed

A photo of the maid Bridget, a stuffed cat, and a bed that B&B guests sleep in

 

Wouldn't it be fun to check in on the spirits of the 2 people who were horribly murdered here?

Wouldn’t it be fun to check in on the spirits of the 2 people who were horribly murdered here?

 

OH YIKES

OH YIKES

 

Anyway, it was a fun day trip, and we learned a moderate amount about history. It also did help contextualize the weird book about Lizzie Borden we read–how dysfunctional the family was, how oddly laid out their house was, and how many pears there were. (Listen to the podcast episode for more details.) If you’re ever in the area I’d recommend the Lizzie Borden house as an interesting day trip, if you’re into that kind of thing. If nothing else you can take some really ominous Facebook profile photos there.

 

What kind of a woman doesn't have a hatchet?

Goodbye!

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Podcast-strology

Unusually Specific For a Horoscope

On Worst Bestsellers’ epic crossover episode with Bellwether Friends, we joked about seeing how compatible our podcasts are. Never one to let a joke die, I looked up the dates of our first episodes and got a free star chart for their compatibility from Cafe Astrology. Here’s the deets:

Bellwether Friends was born on August 27, 2014, making them a Virgo.

Worst Bestsellers was born on September 23, 2014, making us a Virgo/Libra cusp.

Star Chart

What does this mean? Is this Illuminati?

Our compatibility report starts out strong:

187 Conjunction Mercury – Venus

Positive aspect: An agreeable relationship overall. They generally like to speak with each other, have a good intellectual understanding, their tastes can be very similar or complementary, and they typically like to share their feelings with one another.

This is totally accurate! We love sharing our feelings with Bellwether Friends.

I Just Have a Lot of Feelings

 

52 Trine Jupiter – Uranus

Positive aspect: This union can be favorable, if the two mutually respect each other. They both like their independence, their freedom of thought and action. The relationship may be marked by distinct philosophical interests and unusual ideas or belief systems, which ideally are encouraged in one another. There can be a nice meeting of minds on the bigger issues.

We do! We do mutually respect each other, and we definitely have unusual ideas and belief systems.

I Respect You Respecting Me

49 Trine Mars – Jupiter

Positive aspect: This is an excellent aspect. They boost each other’s confidence and fill each other with enthusiasm. They make plans together, and these are realistic enough to fulfill.

Could not be more true.

FRIENDSHIP

You can view the whole star chart here. It’s got a lot of astrology terms that I don’t technically understand!

Here’s hoping the stars continue to #bless our podcast friendship for many years to come!

If you understand astrology and can explain this chart, please tweet at us or leave a comment on this post! If you think astrology is fake and stupid, please do not tweet at us or leave a comment on this post!

 

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¿Qué es Twitter?

This morning Twitter wished me a happy 8th anniversary! I’ve been microblogging for 8 years. I remembered that the main reason I got a Twitter account in the first place was that I was writing for the Gringo Grita, the magazine of Peace Corps Dominican Republic, and we tried to write stories explaining what was going on in the greater culture to volunteers, who mostly only had occasional internet/television/People magazine access. This was–if you’ll recall–a time when it was still newsworthy for celebrities to open Twitter accounts and tweet for themselves instead of just having a publicist do it, so we kept hearing about Twitter.

I decided to try to explain the hot and confusing trend of Twitter, so I signed up for an account. Unfortunately, my few days with a Twitter experiment didn’t really qualify me.

I found the piece I wrote (thanks, Google Drive) and it’s kind of hilarious now, 63,000 tweets later. I’m sharing it here, because why not? It’s funny to think about how strange and foreign Twitter was to me then, given how many hundreds of times a day I check Twitter now.

Anyway, without further ado (or any edits/translations from 2017 Renata), let’s go back to a simpler time: July 2009, back before Twitter was full of Nazis (probably?), before our current president was using it to pen declarations of war, even before Lance Armstrong’s fall from grace (but, as you’ll see, after his massage).

 

What’s the Deal with Twitter?

 

I know you’ve heard it mentioned  in all the finest news sources—CNN, NPR, People magazine—but what exactly IS Twitter? To quote from Twitter’s website, it is: “a service for friends, family, and co-workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing?”

 

Basically, it’s only the “status updates” part of Facebook (Twitter calls them “tweets”), and you can update it from your phone or from your computer. The catch: your updates have a max size of 140 characters. It sounds exceptionally stupid, and yet it’s super popular.  In the name of investigative journalism, I emailed some college friends who are living in the States and using Twitter to find out more.

 

My friend Jenny says, “It is stupid. But my dad uses it so he can follow Lance Armstrong and that is kind of cool. But overall, deceptively simple and part of the cult of celebrity and likely a flash in the pan idiocy, like POGs.”

 

My friend Mary was slightly more enthusiastic, noting, “Twitter is kind of stupid, but kind of addictive.  […] It’s like a time-delayed chatroom. And it’s a fun way to follow celebrities. I have Nathan Fillion, Neil Gaiman, Felicia Day, and Kevin Smith on my Twitter feed, among others, and it kind of brightens my day every time Kevin Smith says anything.”

 

I think in judging Twitter it’s important to remember that the main users of Twitter do not have to climb a loma to send a text message, nor do they have to pay 20 pesos an hour for Internet. Twitter seems to be the Internet equivalent of sitting on your doña’s porch and getting the scoop on who ‘s getting married and who bought a new moto, while also receiving texts from friends in the capital who have a new People magazine.

 

DoñaFulana54: Quien tienes hambre? Yo tengo moro aqui.

VoluntarioSureño:  @DonaFulana54 Yo tengo un chin de hambre… vengo ahorita.

VoluntariaChula: I’m going to La Sirena today, does anyone want me to grab anything?

Voluntario69: @VoluntariaChula  Will you get me peanut butter?

VoluntariaCapitaleña: OMG I JUST READ THAT BRITNEY SPEARS IS PREGNANT AGAIN

VoluntarioSureño: @ VoluntariaCapitaleña NO WAY

VoluntariaCapitalena: OH JK, CNN.COM SAYS IT WAS A FALSE RUMOR

DoñaFulana54: Mi sobrina tiene una gripe muy mal.

Voluntario Sureño: Has anyone heard anything else about swine flu?

PCDRMO: @ VoluntarioSureño It’s the H1N1 virus, not swine flu.

 

In other words, it’s absolutely something I could see myself using (with a little bit of self-loathing) when I go back to Nueva York.

 

If you’re interested in learning more, here are some notable people to follow (“follow” is Twitterese for “friend”) and a recent  “tweet” from them:

 

Ashton Kutcher: http://twitter.com/aplusk

“I just did a google news search for “injured in fireworks accident”…. WTF…. people make me laugh”

 

Rainn Wilson (Dwight from The Office): http://twitter.com/rainnwilson

“I am on a plane with WIFI and with the TV show I am on playing on all the little TVs so of course I’m going to Tweet about it. Weird.”

 

Shaquille O’Neal: http://twitter.com/THE_REAL_SHAQ

“Just because your certified , doesn’t mean your qualified”

 

Stephen Colbert: http://twitter.com/stephencolbert

“Remember kids! In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant.”

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger: http://twitter.com/schwarzenegger

“Fresno protests have good lines. Esp. the guy asking me 2 sign Terminator 2 & budget. But saying he loved me in Red Sonja – below the belt.”

 

Lance Armstrong: http://twitter.com/lancearmstrong

“On the massage table. Listening to Iron and Wine.”

 

Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) http://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith

“Took Harley to ICE AGE in Union Square, then hit Forbidden Planet for Ugly Dolls. Geek-Dad in full effect. The wife owes me some soft-n-wet.”

 

Sockington (A Cat who has over 800,000 Twitter  followers): http://twitter.com/sockington

AND THEN THERE WAS THAT TIME I THOUGHT THE PILLOW WAS A SQUIRREL there I was going along this very couch and HOLY LITTERBOX A SQUIRREL”

 

CNN Breaking News: http://twitter.com/cnnbrk

“Jackson golden casket placed on stage.  http://bit.ly/u08pJ”

 

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#WeNeedDiverse Saddle Club Book Covers

In our Saddle Club podcast episode, we talked about the various editions’ different book covers and Carole’s ambiguous racial identity. Since a podcast is not a visual medium, I wanted to collect a few covers here so you can see what we’re talking about.

As best I can tell, this is the original 1988 cover. Carole’s weirdly cast in shadow.

Horse Shy

 

This next edition looks like the same girl as the first one but flipped out of the shadow into the light? And also she got some chickens? Also, that horse is not cobalt.

 

Horse Shy

 

This next cover features all 3 girls. Which is which? Who knows? (Presumably, knowing what we know about Carole from the series as a whole, she’s on the right. All we know about Stevie is that she’s blonde and I wouldn’t call any of these girls blonde. Maybe the one on the left has some blonde-ish highlights?)

 

Horse Shy

 

Here’s the cover of the 1996 reprint edition. She looks more recognizably like a light-skinned black girl. (And Cobalt, the horse, is also black, as described in the book.)

 

Horse Shy

 

But wait, here’s a cover for an Overdrive e-book collecting the first 2 Saddle Club books.

Horse Crazy Horse Shy

 

Finally, here’s Carole from the Saddle Club TV show, as played by Keenan Macwilliam.

Keenan Macwilliam as Carole Hanson

I want to make clear that this is not like a pre-movie Hunger Games Rue situation, where Rue is clearly described as black in the book’s text but a lot of white readers didn’t pick up on it. (And, in many cases, then got mad about it.) None of the Saddle Club girls are physically described at all in the book we read, except for an offhand mention of Stevie’s blonde hair. For all we know, all three girls could be black (and maybe one of them dyes her hair). However, most readers, especially white readers, assume characters are white unless stated otherwise.

With all of these book covers, I think if you look at them pre-armed with the knowledge (gained from other books in the series, or perhaps from familiarity with the Saddle Club TV show) that Carole is black, you could recognize Carole as a WOC, albeit one on the lighter end of the spectrum of color. But with most of them, especially as a white person with existing biases, one could also easily view Carole as white. (Of course, Carole could  well be black and white–lots of people are mixed race, and people of color come in all shades.) But the combination of very light-skinned cover models and a lack of physical description in this particular book make it pretty easy for a reader (especially a white reader) to just assume Carole is white. For what it’s worth, the original series author, Bonnie Bryant, also appears to be white.

Did these covers whitewash Carole (as is common in book covers)? Is she meant to be mixed race? Is she meant to have been depicted with darker skin? I literally don’t know, it was not mentioned in the text of the only Saddle Club book I have ever read. But whitewashing characters of color–both on book covers as well as movie/TV adaptations for books–continues to be a problem in 2017.

There’s a lot to unpack with Carole and these book covers, and I don’t have the time or expertise to dive deep, so here’s a quick link roundup:

If you have more thoughts, leave a comment or tweet @worstbestseller!

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2016’s Top Ten Duarte Photos

Hi all! Our Bests & Worsts of 2016s episodes are delayed, due to a number of factors, but mainly I got pneumonia and was too sick to do anything for a long time. Thanks, 2016, for this lovely parting gift. To help fill the gap in Worst Bestsellers land, Kait said she was going to write a blog post about the top 10 best moments of 2016, and I said, good for you but that sounds too exhausting for me to do. (Pneumonia sucks, y’all!)

But I didn’t want to show up to the blog empty-handed, and I figured even in my extremely diminished capacity I could handle a photo roundup of my favorite subject. Here are my top 10 photos of my cat Duarte from 2016. I hope you like them, too. (If not: leave me alone, I’m sick.)

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What the Witch Told Me

The name “The Worst Blog” turned out to be pretty accurate because I have been absolutely terrible at posting here. There have been things I wanted to post about–my first solo backpacking trip, my move, seeing Hamilton–and I’ve mentally drafted posts about those things, and never gotten around to opening up WordPress and writing about them. Partly because of doing all those things, I’ve been lacking in mental energy.

Today, now, I’m tired, but also restless. Like so many of us, I’m feeling scared and disappointed and furious about the outcome of the US Election. Like slightly fewer of us, I took my troubled heart to Salem, Massachusetts, aka Witch City. (Listen: I don’t have time to talk about the heartbreaking irony of a town that killed 20 people for alleged witchcraft turning it into a tourist destination.) A few friends and I had been planning this trip since before the election, and we decided it would be a good way to distract ourselves for awhile. We decided we might get our tarot cards read. I’ve had my tarot read once before (it’s one of the only things I’ve actually posted about on this blog) and I enjoyed the experience. (Side note: it is weird to look back at my post about that experience now! So much of it was about big change, and I’ve had that for sure. I also wrote this: Haha I’m totally fine and not at all worried about the 9 of Spades. *builds blanket fort for the rest of 2016, just for fun and totally not out of irrational fear* I guess I basically had the right idea!)

Also, I never posted an update on this blog after my WTF Are You Doing Post, so ICYMI: I successfully moved to the Boston area and got a great job! But at the time of my last tarot card reading I was preparing to move but hadn’t told too many people yet. But the reading was really reflective of that mindset. Obviously, I was in a very different mindset when I got my reading this week.

Anyway, again, I’m not saying I necessarily believe anything mystical is happening with the cards, but it’s a fun, self-reflective exercise. Kind of like a combination of a BuzzFeed quiz and a non-licensed therapist.

Salem has no shortage of tarot card readers and any other manner of psychics, witches, and mystics. Like good millennials, we looked up Psychics and Astrologers on Yelp, but since pretty much every place had at least 4 stars and we didn’t really know how to judge the reviews, I decided we should just visit a few places and judge by ~vibe~. (And also cost: the places with the most famous readers charge upwards of $100 per sesh, and we were not about that life.) The first place we went to, I rejected because the reader who was in was a man, and I don’t want any men telling me my secrets. The second place I rejected because the person at the desk seemed extremely uninterested in us and also it smelled weird. The third place advertised that Katy Perry had done a love spell there, and also they did a fundraiser for the animal shelter and blessed all the animals with magic, so obviously we went there. (It was Crow Haven Corner, although we did not meet with Lorelei, but rather one of her less-experienced budget witches.)

She asked me if there was anything in particular I wanted to know about, and I said I was feeling generally panicked about the state of the world and wanted advice on how to proceed. First, she had me shuffle one deck and pick one card that would represent my ~theme~ for the year.

Tarot Card - Grace

I got Grace, which she told me was about accepting things I can’t control. WITCH, PLEASE

I mean it’s maybe good advice for my personal wellbeing but also, obviously, not quite what I wanted to hear; I wanted the card for setting the world on fire. But I suppose accepting the things I really can’t change with grace gives me more mental energy to devote to the things I can change. #SerenityNow

Anyway, after I picked one card out of that deck, she did a Celtic Cross reading with a different deck.

Tarot Card Spread

 

The first card I got was the Moon, which is apparently about reflection and confusion and mystery. A LITTLE TOO ON THE NOSE, CARDS.

I don’t totally remember the order everything else came in; I do remember the Queen of Wands represents motherhood. She asked if I wanted to become a mother, and I said NOPE, and she said I had better be careful about birth control then because I’m very fertile and there’s a spirit near me that wants to come into the world? (It’s probably Duarte though.) Also, maybe I’ll change my mind about motherhood when I’m in a good relationship. SURE. She also said the Queen of Wands means I make good decisions, which I obviously do, which is how I ended up a tarot card reading on a weekday afternoon.

When the Lovers came up, she asked if I’d met anyone recently, or started a new job. (No and yes.) She told me both that I either had recently or would soon meet someone who would be a good ~love connection~ for me, and also that I would have a good partnership at work. (The second one is definitely true!)

The 8 of Pentacles means a period of hard work; she described myself as planting seeds in the ground that would pay off later. I also got the 8 of Wands which is also about working and planning. I also had a lot of Wands which in general is about creativity and determination. Specifically she told me I should do more graphic design work? Which I never told her what my job is but I had just had multiple conversations with co-workers about doing more flyers and Tumblr graphics at the library…so that was weirdly on target.

What else…she said my last relationship ended because the man wasn’t mature enough for me, which I think is true, but also is probably true of like 90% of man-woman relationships, like you could just stand on the street corner and tell that to random women and you’d only be wrong if they don’t date men.

Also at the end of it, she asked me to please write a good review on TripAdvisor because she could tell I was a good writer, which made me laugh so much. But also: I will. I will do that.

Anyway, it was a fun, reflective experience that left me feeling somewhat invigorated about the days to come! The overall combined takeaway, for me, is a combination of accepting the things I can’t change with grace, and working hard to change the things I can. The second part is where I need to put in my work, of course–the tarot card reader didn’t really tell me anything specific on how I can un-fuck up the world, but, you know, that’s on me. Right now I’m reading widely, and listening, and signing up for local community justice lists to make sure I hear about protests and other opportunities to effect change. I’m setting up recurring donations to causes that are important to me. I’m making sure that I’m working to make my library a safe place for all of our community members.

Also I bought this spell candle because it’s worth a try, right?

spell candle

I hope you are all doing as okay as possible, and doing whatever kind of magical or Muggle self-care you need to do to carry on and keep doing the work!

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OMG RENATA WTF ARE YOU DOING?

Hello, here is a life update: IDK WTF I am doing!

For most of the last year I have been making elaborate plans to:

  • Quit my job in June
  • Temporarily move back in with my parents
  • Hike the 200-mile John Muir Trail in July–a multi-week endeavor whose timing would be difficult if not impossible to do while employed as a youth services librarian, where summer reading club requires all hands on deck
  • Find a job and move to Boston, possibly in reverse order

However, the friend who I’d been planning to hike the JMT with just canceled on the trip due to health concerns. Although I have been preparing physically, mentally, and legally (*Yosemite’s permit system is wild) for the trip for a long time, I don’t feel comfortable making that hike on my own. But I have already put in notice at my job and ended my lease on June 30, so in July I’m doing something. What? Who knows, man. If you are ISO adventure this summer please hit me up. Otherwise I might settle for a shorter, less mountainous backpacking trip on my own. Baby Cheryl Strayed steps.

Here are some questions you might have for me and their answers, to the best of my abilities:

OMG you quit a job with benefits with nothing lined up afterwards?! In this day and age?

Yep. And I love my job! And I love my coworkers! But I moved here right after grad school just because it was the first job I got offered, and it’s increasingly obvious that I don’t want to live in this location permanently, even though I have enjoyed my time here and met some extremely lovely people here! This is the longest I’ve lived any place since college and it feels like time to move on.

Also, I have been applying for jobs in Boston sporadically and been told by multiple people that public libraries in the Boston area are generally only interested in local candidates. So I’m hoping that if I make myself a local candidate, I’ll find something! I’m a very qualified, great librarian! And if not: I am a marginally competent cashier! I’ll find something! I have savings I can live off of and a Peace Corps-instilled low standard of living. If you are hiring in the Boston area please let me know!

Why Boston?

I haven’t lived on the east coast for an extended period of time before! A lot of my dearest friends live in Boston and I miss them! As a Broadway-obsessed soul I find the idea of being a bus-trip away from New York City very appealing!

When, exactly, are you moving?

My lease in Indiana is up June 30th so I’ll be out of here by then. As to when I’ll move to Boston–that’s a bit more up in the air. My dear parents have expressed flexibility regarding my (and Duarte’s) stay with them. I’ll be looking for jobs and roommates and I’ll be aiming to be out there in August.

Can I help you?

Sure: if you know people looking for roommates or librarians in the Boston area, starting around August, please put them in touch with me! Or just put some good vibes for me in your prayers/on your vision board.

This all sounds like a terrible idea.

a) that’s not a question and b) that’s fine, just keep that kind of talk behind my back, thanks! I know this decision might sound rash and stupid but it is something I have been thinking about and planning for a long time! Even if the plans have already altered significantly from my dreams, I am still excited for this next adventure.

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Not Artsy? Let Patrons Make Your Bulletin Boards For You

My fellow teen librarian Ruth and I are good at a lot of stuff! Totally good at stuff! But we’re not great at arts or crafts. That became something of an issue when our teen area moved into a new, larger space that came with a huge bulletin board area. It’s so big that it looks silly left empty, or used for just a couple of small posters like our old bulletin board. This one requires a full-on bulletin board. We tried, but honestly… we were not very good at the art of bulletin board. Our first few attempts looked pretty amateurish.

I don’t have pictures of our first few bulletin boards but you can imagine the bulletin board equivalent of this:

You Tried

Then, when winter reading club rolled around, we decided to make big review slips for kids to fill out. We’d post them (assuming they gave us permission–there was a spot on the review for them to allow us to post their review) along with a printout of the book cover.

Winter Reading Club

Winter Reading Club 2

Oh, also, we had teen volunteers cut out those snowflakes for the border. BAM: a fun project for all those kids who put off their required volunteer hours until the last minute and a seasonal decoration.

The posted reviews turned out to be really popular! Patrons loved looking to see what others had read, as well as finding their own reviews. It was interesting as staff to see the accumulated reviews too, because it really does show that our teens are reading all kinds of stuff, not just the most popular authors of the moment.

Unfortunately, winter reading club eventually ended, and we had to take down our beloved bulletin board and figure out some other way to fill that huge space.

You Must Choose!

You Must Choose 2

We asked ourselves, “What’s happening in the pop culture universe?” and came up with the Batman vs Superman movie. Also, we had recently learned how to use the Cricut machine. (Kind of? If you’ll notice, I accidentally used lowercase S’s and O’s but was not willing to recut them.) We came up with this concept where patrons could choose a shape, write their name on it, and cast a vote for their fave. The cute animal shapes + gritty DC superheroes mixture is a bit random, but it entertained us. Plus, it encouraged patrons to interact with us. (This is a picture from shortly after we posted it. In the end I believe Batman won, although it always stayed pretty close between him and Wonder Woman. I was actually on vacation when this got taken down so I don’t have a picture of the end result.)

Now it’s March, so… March Madness! This isn’t an original idea; I’ve definitely seen other schools/libraries do a book/author March Madness display on Pinterest and the like. But it’s the first year we’ve had a good space for it.

March Madness

We picked 8 prose book authors/series and 8 manga/graphic novel series. Sort of randomly–we didn’t look at circ stats or anything, we just thought about what we knew was popular and tried to pick a good balance of things. Ruth printed out the logos and ballots for voting. (I did the cricut letters and this time I learned the difference between the capital and lowercase letters!) We just put this up at the beginning of March so voting is still open for the first round. My hope is for Harry Potter to take it but I think Attack on Titan and Deadpool have a good shot at going all the way too. We’ll see at the end of March!

Anyway, I mostly wanted to share this because most of the displays that get shared online are beautiful perfect works of art. I applaud those! But also if you’re not that good at bulletin boards, it’s okay friend. It’s okay. Make your patrons do it for you and get back to doing all the other library work you gotta do.

Plus, it will give patrons–especially in our case teens–ownership over their library!

Michael Scott Win-Win-Win

 

 

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