Anthropology Department Introduces "Whip/Snake-Handling/Womanizing" Field Methods Course

Goodnow-- Anthropology Professor Greg Perkins told The B&S he was"proud" to be teaching a new archaeology field methods course. Anthropology 295, Advanced Field Methods, will focus on teaching students whip tricks and dealing with that feared nemesis of archaeologists everywhere, snakes. The course will also, of course, cover womanizing.

"A big complaint from our graduates has been that they get out there in the field, and, for example, they see a priceless jade monkey artifact, and it's just about to fall into a crevasse in the earth, so they naturally try to lash out their whip and grab it. But they just haven't had the formal whip training that they so sorely need, and there's another priceless artifact, lost for good," said Perkins.

Another facet of the course is to teach potential archeologists how to deal with snakes.

"Run, run like the almighty wind for God's sakes," bellowed Perkins during the class's first lecture. "There has been a rash of archeologists entering the field who are not afraid of snakes. How do you expect anyone to respect you as a professional archeologist if you don't cower in fear at the mere mention of snakes. Snakes! Cower, God dammit, cower!"

However, the most controversial part of the class is the proposed “womanizing” section. "Since archeologists do a lot of traveling, it is necessary for them to be able to snare women in exotic places with minimal hardship. A good woman is an essential tool for the aspiring archeologist. Without a good woman in tow you'll have no one to rescue when that ancient tomb starts to collapse."

Some women complained that Perkins was "sexist," but all debate was silenced when the Lara Croft: Tomb Raider movies were brought up.

"Those movies really did suck," admits one female student. "They set back the cause of female archeologists for years to come.

Perkins stressed that, while the course will focus on snakes and whips, it will also teach future archaeologists other necessary skills, such as identifying Nazi spies and proper hat maintenance.

Not everyone is equally enthusiastic about the course. Physics professor John Boyd said, "If Perkins gets to teach his Jones class, then I should get to teach my class on the proper maintenance of the Millennium Falcon. Wookie training is included."

renata at frowl org

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