ASD;FLKJ

Joss Whedon, I love you. You too, Neal Patrick Harris.

Go watch Dr. Horrible. Right now. Before it's no longer available for free viewing.

posted by Taaalia @ 19:20    0 comments   links to this post

On Freaking Out Regarding Life Transitions

So...heh. If you've known me for longer than I've been at the U of I, you may be somewhat well acquainted with the fact that I don't deal well with transitional periods of the location-change variety (if you would like specific proof, just read the August 2003 archives, before about the 23rd or so! Hahaha, so young).

I mean, I don't know. The whole moving to Iowa City for my first year of college was a pretty huge ordeal. I freaked out a lot. A LOT. A ridiculous amount. Probably an understandable amount for a fairly quiet girl who had lived in one place all her life, headed towards a big-ten school. And rightly so, as it took MONTHS to feel not weird and alienated. But moving to Illinois? Was a little different. The most painful thing dealing with that situation was deciding I wanted to actually transfer there, which was a heart-wrenching and impossible decision that went on between basically the months of April and August of 2004. Which is a long time. I think once everything was final about moving to Illinois, it was just a relief to have made a decision, and in comparison the moving wasn't so bad. It helps that home was no more than about 45 minutes away.

But I dunno. If you know me, you also know that I have this weird existential attachment to location, which happens no matter where I live. The problem is that I don't believe I'll get attached to a place while I'm still focused on an old one, and it takes a while to like a new place. And there's also some weird requirement in my head for me to get completely nostalgic about the old place, even before I leave it. Yes, that is happening right now.

So Rochester. It's the furthest from home I will ever have lived, in my life. And transitioning into the new and unknown of music schools is always a little terrifying. And everyone I talk to seems to say that Rochester sucks. So today, and really the last couple days, I've been freaking out. A lot. I think when I realized that I actually have a limited amount of time here and with people, after a phone-conversation with my mom about moving out of here, I lost it. And I may have cried. And I may have eaten ice cream. There's no way of knowing. But I freaked out. Why is location so important? Why does it matter? It's not like when I leave here it will cease to exist, or I will fail to appreciate other places! More than anything, though, I don't want this to be like before. Like when I was 17. I don't.

But you know something? I've decided not to freak out. Anymore. I'm currently not. I currently feel fine and just like I really need to study and pack stuff. Rochester! It's upstate New York! My family is from around there! So what if people whine about it? I definitely found it to be pretty aesthetically appealing when I visited there. Heck, I got the impression that Rochester was kind of COOL. If not a little crime-ridden and probably very cold in the winter. I definitely know my teacher is awesome. I definitely know a handful of great people at Eastman already. I definitely have a place to live and an excellent roommate. I definitely will not be living in some crappy dorm situation where there are loud people yelling outside my door until 3am every morning when I have a 7:30am class. I am definitely only going to be living there for a maximum of two years. And HIKING! There is HIKING in Upstate New York! And I have an ice-cream maker! Oh, man!! AN ICE-CREAM MAKER. What else could I possibly need in life?!

The moral of the story is that while I am generally kind of laid back about life, when it comes to transitional periods like this I definitely build them up and make them into these emotional and unnecessarily dramatic things, before they actually even happen. Screw that. For serious. I shouldn't care. I shouldn't let it get to me and I definitely shouldn't let it affect my relationships with people.

So I'm not. Going to do that anymore. And I will check in about my level of freaking out as the weeks progress. And if my mother even tries to freak me out by reminding me of everything I need to do while I'm actually just trying to get it all done without thinking of it? I will just plug my ears and sing a tune. A happy tune. Like this happy tune!! Hah! Peter Buck playing the Banjo! So happy. Oh, man.

Happy! Yes! You heard it here first!

posted by Taaalia @ 03:37    0 comments   links to this post

Update

I need to start accomplishing things more and watching How I Met Your Mother less. Just a plug for that show, YOU SHOULD WATCH IT. The first season is somewhat tepid, but crazy things start happening in the second, like the writers of the show seemingly just inserting purely hilarious material into it and it flowing much better. It helps that Neal Patrick Harris is kind of the man, and that I have a girl-crush on Alyson Hannigan.

I need to tend to my photos. It's a dire situation, really. I have over 600 photos on my camera's SD card that I have yet to transfer, but the bigger problem is all the photos already on my computer I haven't even transfered yet, along with all the damn music I have that's taking up all this limited SPACE. And so, I think I'm going to be getting myself one of these numbers. SO SHINY.

I wish more than anything right now that I didn't have to make life harder for myself than it actually is. I wish I didn't have to torture myself through speculation. I wish I could just kind of enjoy things as they are.

Oh freaking well.

posted by Taaalia @ 10:18    1 comments   links to this post

Jiggidy Jiggidy Jiggidy

No, I did not contract some third awful sickness and die. I am alive!

But lo, Colorado College finished and I wrote nothing. Shame on me. The thing I notice about these absurd and busy summer orchestra things is that there's not enough room for me to do much else but play the cello and go a little crazy inside. This is how sparse my blog would have been during YOA had I actually had regular access to the internet.

Oh. Wait. This is pretty much exactly how my blog looked during YOA. Huh.

Anyway. Colorado College was a vast number of things. Amazing. Ridiculous. Frustrating. A learning experience. An eye-opener. An annoyance. It was definitely the best string quartet experience I've had, possibly ever. A great deal of that is probably due to luck, as truly functional string quartets are seemingly kind of rare, and definitely something I don't think I've experienced since I was perhaps 16.

The whole orchestra thing was...yeah. That was a great learning experience in terms or repertoire and playing with amaaaaazing players and being forced to sit principal even though I may have recently established that I haaaate sitting principal. It was an eye-opener, though, in that it's made me realize that I do not want to play in an orchestra for a living, and that if that's how I feel, I should really like, stop playing in these summer orchestra things! Because they're so long and make me so tired and drained and misanthropic. I'm not saying I'll never play in an orchestra, ever, or that I will definitely never do a summer program with orchestra again. But I really need to investigate musical things that are closer to what I would like to do for a living, in the future. Maybe.

But anyway. Colorado College ended last Tuesday. Wednesday morning I got up early and dropped another cellist off at the Denver airport on my way to Daniel's! Yes! I was yet again a member of Dan Beahm and the Invisible Three! For like, five days! And also crashed Daniel and Erika's extremely excellent house for that long. Basically, we ended up playing two shows and recording cello parts for 9 songs plus one very random track that will be used for dancing. It was a good post-crazy-festival time, especially because the kind of tedious and very specific work that goes with recording parts for an album is something I love. Even if we're working on something and I go "this one note is weird and sounds wrong" and Daniel goes "oh, but this note is weird and sounds so VERY RIGHT." Those are actually some of the very best moments, somehow.

I was also fed very very well during this time.

And now, I'm back. And that drive was long. And I saw cowboys. THREE OF THEM. And the Midwest is so very humid.

But it's weird. Because Colorado was really beautiful but very dry, and for some reason it was light and airy because that moisture was missing. There's something about the smell of that humidity and the severity of the moisture in the air in the Midwest that makes this summer. That was missing before. So now it must be summer.

Also, I am transferring more than 600 photos from my camera. The incredibly sad part is that these photos are from over two months ago, and very few are from Colorado. Again, I blame the busy schedule and weird lack of energy.

posted by Taaalia @ 16:32    0 comments   links to this post

QFF

Today was rough. Despite all the stupid crap I've been through in the past that should have made me stronger and less susceptible to my own idiotic brain, I still hate leading sections, whether I'm tired or alert or whatever.

Moreover, I'm so blonde, and my ass really hurts. Thanks go to you, hiking in high altitudes, up hills.

What am I whining about? Last summer I climbed Mt. Washington.

I miss last summer. So many good things. My summers alternate between making me question what I want in music and making me realize exactly what I want to do in music. This summer is the former. I also think that I have less satisfying social experiences in orchestra things. I don't know why. It's just an observation. Jeeze. You people are so serious.

I really am blonde, though. It's pretty alarming.

My string quartet is playing all of Shostakovich 8 tomorrow night at the Honors Concert. Heck yeah. If there's one thing I hit the jackpot with this summer, it's my chamber group, uh huh.

posted by Taaalia @ 00:58    0 comments   links to this post

Observation

I now sign many of my emails with "cheers." Fear for me, and the day that I actually turn into one of my parents.

posted by Taaalia @ 14:06    0 comments   links to this post

A Little Off-Time

listening to: stereolab - brigitte

I can't stop listening to this song I can't I can't I can't.

Today I learned that there is such a thing as a remote-control fart machine, and that it has in history been taped underneath a conductor's podium at one time during the vast history of the universe. Does that seem like the worst idea on the planet to anyone else?

Despite the fact that I survived the summer festival malaise of the past week, my throat is still just being...annoying. And I hate it. And I want it to go away. So I think that tomorrow between our dress rehearsal and our concert I will actually go to the Urgent Care place. As opposed to "waiting it out another day" or "being distracted by some other illness." Hah.

For now, though, if I do not spend some amount of time running around in the out-of-doors, I think I will die, or shake someone. An so because I am free until 2:45, I will go do that. Yes.

posted by Taaalia @ 12:15    0 comments   links to this post

Should Be Taking Better Advantage Of This Technology Crap

listening to: stereolab - mars audiac quintet, as i have been listening to for just about every waking moment of the last two weeks

thinking: I should really reinstate the "thinking" part of entries, and perhaps even turn them into a label. Because remember that one time when Blogger launched this thing called Blogger Beta and I got all excited because you could use tags except they made me wait like TWO MONTHS because I had over 2,000 entries or some crap like that?? So why aren't I tagging better advantage of the tag/label feature?! Laziness, that's why.

Anyway. "Thinking." Yes. This could have something to do with my obsessively reading dooce.com for the first time in a while. Eyep.

On a similar note, I need to do better with the "sad or awesome?" label. Because it's great. I'm serious. Go read sad or awesome? entries right now.

posted by Taaalia @ 13:45    0 comments   links to this post

I Am Having The Best Summer Ever, Germ-Wise

It must be Tuesday morning when I wake up and I have the freaking stomach bug that's been plaguing the universe.

Awesome, I know.

Yesterday morning I woke up and inherently knew that the last thing in the world I was interested in was food and eating it. In retrospect, I'm glad I listened to my stomach. We went to Garden of the Gods yesterday morning, at which point I felt "okay." Just a little displeased in the stomach. But by the time we left Garden of the Gods I knew it was a not-okay sort of thing.

We were back by about 11:30am, at which point I crapped out on my various playing obligations of the day, went back to my room, and slept for approximately 8 or more hours. I'm not quite sure. This whole sleeping for about 17 hours out of a 24 hour day is not normal, combined with the desire to shun all food for eternity. So, yes. Sickness for all! Fortunately, I have not vomited once, but this doesn't necessarily mean I experienced any less stomach discomfort. In fact, I wonder if vomiting would have made things better.

I woke up this morning feeling a little better. With an actual desire to eat, at that. Upon entering the dining hall, though, I realized that all I really wanted to eat or look at food-wise was possibly toast, and a little peanut butter. I guess something is better than nothing. Saltines are also an acceptable form of sustenance at the moment. So...bring it on, finer cuisine!

I did however basically fall over after being awake for a period of an hour, which signified I probably needed to continue in the trend of sleeping things off. So far today since 9am, I've gotten in about 5 hours. YAY. I think I need to actually try to be at an orchestra rehearsal tonight, but I'm starting to feel a little better so hopefully this will be possible.

In any case, this has been a pretty stupid summer in terms of my being sick. I guess I'm lucky I didn't have any such encounters with germs during the school-year, but it's really put a damper on my getting things done so far this summer, not to mention making everything going on feel muted and lukewarm. Crappy.

I look forward to feeling better. Send good health-vibes at me.

posted by Taaalia @ 15:24    0 comments   links to this post

Zmonday

It must be Monday Morning when I accidentally ladel oatmeal onto my plate without a bowl. And when I wake up and my throat is showing symptoms of more of those weird swollen bump-things, and that sucks. And when my piano quartet group is going to be yelled at for canceling a rehearsal in which one of our players was sick with that stomach-thing. And I just want to sit around listening to Stereolab and reading or maybe just sleeping.

Yeah. Monday.

posted by Taaalia @ 09:30    0 comments   links to this post

Oooooh Boy

As of this morning, approximately 14 out of 40-some-odd of us are out with a stomach...thing. A not-nice sort of thing that causes people to vomit. All I can say is that after over 3 weeks of having an infection and only just now starting to feel better, if I contract whatever this is, I will quite possibly hit someone in the face.

It was actually somewhat hilarious because apparently the director thought I had left our evening Beethoven rehearsal yesterday to join many others in vomiting. But that was not me. So when I ran into him this morning with my quartet, he was all like "Talia! Are you feeing okay? Are you alright?" and there was general confusion.

Regardless, I am pretty scared of getting sick. I think I've had my fill of sick for just about forever.

posted by Taaalia @ 11:28    0 comments   links to this post

About Time

Finally, finally, after however-many years of my life that I've been occasionally playing in quartets, I am able to experience the demented absurdity that is Shostakovich 8. And Holy Hell's Bells, do I need to find some page photo-copying solutions. Man.

But what I really meant to say was: it rocks ass.

posted by Taaalia @ 13:31    0 comments   links to this post

An Update, Finally, Right?

Whoa, hey.

I would possibly blog more if the wi-fi was more reachable from my room and if there were hours of in the day in which I was free and not exhausted. Oh, and also if I were not dying.

I'm not actually dying but whatever this throat infection thing I've had since about three weeks ago doesn't want to go away and is proving this to me in some pretty not-awesome ways, such as weird lesions in the back of my tongue which hurt and made me into the biggest hypochondriac for a period of about twelve hours after I had just arrived in Colorado Springs. Hooray! I think I called my mom, cried, and exclaimed to her that I was afraid I was going to die. So anyway. I'm starting to feel better. I think. Or get used to it. Either way, I hope I can make a recovery soon.

The drive here was pretty okay, to be completely honest. I like driving. A lot. I mean, I must like driving if 15 hours on the road didn't seem like a huge deal. A big part of me is actually trying to figure out if I should try to do the whole drive in one day on my way back to Illinois. But probably not. The more I think about it, the less awesome an idea it seems.

Oh, right, the best thing that happened on my drive over occurred in Colorado. I had just hit I-67 which takes one from just within Nebraska to Denver, and the road was pretty much desolate. Sometimes a car would pass me really fast, or I would pass a truck, and I'd go "oh, boy, that's pretty exciting." And actually, I have to admit, this is where I got really excited because there was tumble-weed rolling across the lanes of the interstate. I mean, I've never seen tumble-weed. And it signifies and old-West-ish-ness. So....shut up.

But anyway. This car starts to pass me, I notice. And then it slows down to my speed and drives right next to me in the left lane. So I'm all about to start yelling, as I do sometimes, and then I look over, and it's ROSS!!!! It's ROSS, OH GOD!!!! In the middle of I-67 in Colorado!! With his girlfriend Michelle driving!!! And it's just...so ridiculous! And we both roll down our windows, and all I can make out is that he's on his way to Aspen. And then they pass me and drive on, but we call each other and the world is just way too small.

And yeah. Things. They are good. Very busy. I want very badly to run around in the mountains and also not in the mountains, but there is no time. Or there is time, but I don't feel completely well and would maybe rather just sleep and read. And I'm also kind of wanting to be home but also just move to Rochester and also be back in New Hampshire. So I'm clearly a little confused, or something.

Also: the food is less than awesome.

That is all.

posted by Taaalia @ 15:15    0 comments   links to this post

The System Is Kinda Down!

Driving is hard. Iowa City is flooded. This wi-fi hates me. The End!

posted by Taaalia @ 23:52    0 comments   links to this post

Babbling

I leave tomorrow. As for today, I've been the biggest spaz ever, and I hope those people over at Colorado College don't hate my relentless and confusing emails.

Anyway. I leave tomorrow. I'm looking forward to the drive (though I hear Nebraska is boring). I just hope the prospect of social stuff in the near future doesn't get to me. If you recall, I have a sort of love-hate relationship with summer programs, for the social aspects, mainly just because I am a social failure.

I recently mentioned to my parents that I'm a social failure. I think my Dad was concerned.

I'm not actually a social failure. I'm just a big stupid introvert. Big difference. Though it's easy to see how the two can be confusing.

If anything, I've gotten better about that stuff. And things will be fine. But I always wonder. And I always worry. Just a little. You know, before I get there.

And I'm babbling.

And I need to do things like organize music and fold clothes. Awesome.

Adios. Until tomorrow. Or Saturday. I mean. Tomorrow is Saturday. Sunday, then.

posted by Taaalia @ 22:58    0 comments   links to this post