Part 5: Something More Bizarre and Inexplicable
Posted 7.25.02


"There is a theory that states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another which states that this has already happened." --The Restaurant at the End of the Universe


The conversation that followed was interesting, to say the very least. Mark's mother dashed back and forth between the baby and Mark making sure both were okay. Cindy made many not-so-subtle remarks about the state of Mark's relationship with Roger, and the two boys did their best to appear innocent.

"So, it's a wonder Roger doesn't have a...bruise... as well," Cindy said casually, glaring at them.

"Well, he's more graceful than I am," Mark replied, an oblivious look on his face. That look slowly melted into a sly smile. "Very graceful..." he repeated more softly, giving Roger a pointed look. They shared a smirk. Cindy glared. Mark's mother fretted.

"Oh, Roger, are you sure you didn't fall too? Do you want some ice or some aspirin or... anything?"

"I'm fine," Roger insisted. "Really. I didn't fall or anything so..." He trailed off as Mrs. Cohen turned from him to the baby like a hummingbird on speed.

"Do you need anything for Sam, Cindy? I have those teething cookies and some bottles and-"

"She's fine, mother," Cindy replied with a sigh. Just as she whirled to address Mark again, another buzzer rang in the kitchen.

"Oh, it's time to eat! Cindy, why don't you help me set the table? Boys, you go wash up and then you can eat, alright?" Before she could even get a reply, Roger and Mark were up the stairs and in the bathroom. Mark closed the door securely behind them, glaring at it as if his stare could penetrate the door and delve right into his mother's back. Roger was vaguely amused. Only vaguely, because the fact that he was once again incredibly horny was overwhelming most of the other emotions in his head.

"My mother... is driving me... insane." Mark shook his head in disgust. Roger approached Mark from behind and put his hands on the smaller man's hips. "I mean, you think she would leave us alone for five minutes!" And then he put his lips on Mark's neck. "And Cindy! Jesus, Cindy's trying to get the both of us killed." And his tongue and suddenly Mark was having trouble concentrating on what he was trying to say. "I mean, she's gotta know what it's like to be young and in love..."

"Yeah," Roger said gruffly, whirling Mark around and kissing him quickly, figuring that the only way to keep Mark from talking would be to keep his mouth otherwise occupied. A thought suddenly occurred to Mark.

"Roger," he asked breathlessly as the musician in question shoved him up against the wall while simultaneously sliding his hands up Mark's sweater. "How...how long have we been together?" It was hard to concentrate with Roger's mouth on his adam's apple.

"Ugh," Roger moaned, pulling his mouth away from Mark's skin for a fraction of a second. "I thought that was something only girls asked when they wanted to get married..."

"An...estimate..." Mark replied, unbuttoning Roger's shirt as Roger struggled to undo the filmmaker's belt.

"Two years..." he groaned, cementing his mouth to Mark's once again. When they broke apart, Mark posed the question that was he had been toying with for the past few minutes.

"Shouldn't this...carnal lust... have stopped at one point?" Both men were still for a moment.

"Mark," Roger finally said in a deadly serious voice, "I'm undressing you, trying to fuck you senseless into your mother's bathroom wall. Can we talk about this later?" Roger, for once, had a point. Mark let the matter drop, much in the way his pants were dropping to the floor at that moment.

Scientists all across the world spend many, many hours everyday trying to decipher the meaning of the universe, the laws and rules by which it exists and by which it came into existence. Their lives would be much easier and much less stressful if they were to understand that there is really only one law and dictates everything that happens in this galaxy, as well as every other across the far reaches of outer space.

If something can go wrong it will, and at the worst possible time.

One would think with their experience in battling this law the past three days, Mark and Roger would just politely pack up, graciously thank Mark's mother and run like all holy hell for the city before anything else happened. Of course this would be true if the boys thought with their brains and not other parts of their anatomy, parts that were very enthusiastic to be active again, for the fifth time that day.

They didn't hear the knock. They didn't hear the pounding. They didn't hear the door. They did hear:

"MARK?! ROGER?!"

Mark looked at Roger. Roger looked at Mark. They both looked at Mark's mother. They both looked at their current state of dress. Mark and Roger looked at each other.

"What in the world is going on?!" Linda Cohen exclaimed, pressing one hand to her chest as if that feeble gesture would stop the heart attack that was coming on from the sight of her only son half naked in the arms of another man. (The author laughed giddily at her witty Moulin Rouge reference.)

Mark and Roger looked at each other again.

"Well," said Mark.

"Um..." said Roger.

"We were rehearsing!" Mark and Roger said in unison.

"We're in a play," said Mark.

"About these two guys," said Roger.

"And we're lovers," said Mark.

"And we keep forgetting our lines," said Roger.

"So we rehearse every chance we get," said Mark.

"And now seemed good," finished Roger. They both winced in anticipation of the screaming fit that Mark's mother was about to subject them to.

"Oh my Lord!" she exclaimed. "I didn't know you were actors!" They opened their eyes and blinked once. Twice. "Why didn't you tell me? Oh, that's wonderful! I knew you two had to be doing something to get money!"

"Uh..." Mark said.

"We wanted to surprise our moms," Roger said. Mark gave him a grateful look. That was two intelligent things Roger had thought of today. That might be a record. Mrs. Cohen looked just about ready to burst into tears.

"Oh, Roger! Mark! You boys are so considerate!" She pulled Roger into a hug immediately and after a moment, let him go in favor of her own son. "I wish you would have told me, but it's such wonderful news and so sweet of you to think of us like that!" She released Mark and then smiled at the both of them. "Now, let's go down to dinner and we'll tell your sister the good news, Mark!" She nearly danced from the room, humming to herself, leaving Mark and Roger bewildered, half naked, and slightly pleased with themselves.

"I cannot believe that she bought that," Roger deadpanned, staring after the older woman.

"Neither can I," Mark agreed. He readjusted his boxers and then bent down to pick up his pants. "Now we just have to see if my sister buys it."

For some reason, Mark doubted that he and Roger could get that lucky so many times in one day. (Please laugh at the pun. The author is once again rather desperate for jokes.) With a sigh he started to replace his clothes, once again wondering why he had even bothered to get out of bed...


To Be Continued...

Get the Hang of Thursday...

E-mail Kait