Untitled 1
by Nicole


He had lost track of how long it had been since Harry and the others had either returned to Hogwarts or had returned to business for the Order. He spent his days around his Mother's old house, the place he had fled nearly half his life ago, alone. He had vowed never to return to this place, and yet here he was, sitting in the kitchen, swirling his finger in a cup of coffee that had fallen cold more than an hour ago. Every once in a while Kreacher wandered in, but neither of them glanced at the other.

The house was silent. It was driving him mad.

During the past few weeks--months, for all Sirius knew--the others from the Order had drifted in and out, undoubtedly on Dumbledore's orders to check that he, Sirius, was 'behaving himself'. He felt a flicker of resentment for a moment, but it subsided. Of course, the one member of the Order with whom he would like to spend some time had yet to stop by, and as Sirius's finger swirled around in the cold coffee for the hundreth time, his mind drifted to this person. It so often did that nowadays as Sirius sat alone, sometimes busying himself with cleaning, others times forgetting to eat for days on end. He longed for Remus to drop by, even just for a spot of tea. But Remus was the one member of the Order who seemed least keen on stopping over and having a chat.

Sirius felt a quick confusion of emotions; he was both angry and injured by the fact that Remus had not made an appearance.

*Don't be thick. He has made an appearance. Just not since Arthur has left...* Sirius sighed heavily, and heard Kreacher muttering something off in the corner, but was not much interested.

Just as he was thinking of coming up with something to do the rest of the day instead of sitting here with his finger stuck in ice-cold coffee, there was a knock at the front door. At first he hadn't been sure it had happened at all, positive that Kreacher was playing some kind of cruel joke, but then he heard it again. He paused, and then rose from the table, feeling his pocket for his want before heading to the door and undoing the many locks. He had no idea who might be standing on the other side; usually the Order members forgot about his noisy mother and rang the doorbell, but there was one person who always seemed to remember to knock when he came around, which wasn't often enough...

...having learned many a time not to get his hopes up, Sirius opened the door and addressed the visitor with the same sullen expression and dull tone he did everyone.

"Remus," He said, rather flat, although he opened the door and his arms wide, "come on in. I've been hoping for a little company..." He trailed off as the werewolf blew right past him for a moment, seeming to be checking for other people in the house before returning to Sirius's arms and giving him a hug.

"I'm sorry I've been away so long, but certain business has kept me away longer than I would've liked." Remus said, his tired eyes noting the sour look on Sirius's face at the sound of 'business', which could really only refer to the Order at this point. "Contrary to what you may believe, Sirius, you've actually--"

"--Have a seat," Sirius half snarled, motioning to the couch in the recently cleaned living room. Instead, Lupin reached forward and grabbed Sirius's hand. The contact caused Black to get slight chill, although it wasn't because he and Remus had never touched like this before, it was because it had been this type of contact he had been missing.

He led Sirius over to the couch and they both sat down, still gently holding eachother's hand. Sirius stared at Remus for a long time, a little disheartened at how old his condition made him seem at so young an age. But he would never stop being handsome to Sirius.

"Contrary to what you may think," Remus began again in softer tones, pausing in case Sirius attempted to interrupt once more, "you've been a great help to the Order, Sirius. I had to stop by when I heard no one had been over in more than a week, and no I am not here on orders from anyone," he added the last part with a little scowl upon his face in response to the incredulous look upon Sirius's. "I know you've been sitting here, stewing in your own feelings of uselessness, and the more I stayed away, the more guilty I felt. I mean, I understand you're adult enough now to deal with it on your own, but I know being Harry's Godfather and just as concerned as the rest of us, and knowing your personality well from countless years of friendship, I knew you were driving yourself mad feeling you can't do any--"

"--maybe if the others stopped treating me like a child!" Sirius muttered, a bit more forcefully than he intended, and withdrew his hand from Remus's. He hadn't been looking for a pity visit, not really.

"Siri," Remus started, using the nickname he only used when they were alone, "To them, you really still are only a child. None of them knows you like I know you. Many still think you're as hot-headed and reckless as you were in your years at Hogwarts, and while they're pretty close to being correct," he added with a small smile, "they're also pretty far from it. They just...they're worried that you're trying to use Harry as a replacement for James--"

Once again, Sirius couldn't refrain from cutting him off.

"Yes, Molly made that quite clear before the term started, didn't she? Seeming to remind me around every turn that Harry wasn't James. She caused me quite a bit of embarassment in front...in front of Harry, you know. Aren't I supposed to be his Godfather, the one he can look to for advice? How can I fulfill that duty, that privilege, with people undermining me at every turn? I'm sure Harry's friends have already convinced him I'm off my rocker, I haven't heard from him in weeks, Remus..." he trailed off, but Remus sensed there was more he wanted to say and did not interrupt him as rudely as Sirius had done moments before. "Azkaban matured me faster than anything, but no one understands that, do they?" He finished forlornly, his eyes averted to the dingy area rug in the center of the room. He felt Remus's hand upon his shoulder, but couldn't bare to look into those stormy eyes.

"I understand, Siri. I had to live for twelve years thinking my friends were dead, didn't I? That ages people pretty quickly as well, not to mention..." It was Remus's turn to trail off, knowing he didn't need to mention his condition. "Well, I just stopped by to perhaps spend a few days with you, if you don't mind.." Lupin finished on a different note, one he was sure would cheer up Sirius. But the dark-haired man didn't move. Lupin slid closer to him on the couch, trying to catch his eye. But Sirius stared dreamily at the dusty rug before him.

"I..." Sirius began after a few moments of silence, "You...." He swallowed, "I think when this is all over, we should...y'know...live together." Sirius said jerkily, although that hadn't originally been what he was going to say. It had been something he was planning to say, no doubt about it, as it had been their plan for the years after Hogwarts. But those plans had never gotten very far.

He knew Remus was smiling.

"Well, of course. Did you think I'd have it any other way? Although we definitely wouldn't stay in this dreadful place." Lupin responded, smiling just as Sirius knew he was, seeming not to notice that Sirius still looked troubled.

"But...of course, this is ridiculous...but...if anything should happen to me while working for the Order...you would take care of Harry, wouldn't you?"

Blindsided by this question, Lupin's hand dropped from Sirius's shoulder and his eyes widened in shock.

"O-of course I would, but why..?" Sirius turned his head back to face Remus, his classic smile upon his face, which instead of offering Remus some consolation only made him more frightened.

"Like I said, it was a ridiculous question, wasn't it?" Sirius said, but Lupin spotted the false tones in his voice.

"I better not find you're planning anything, Sirius Black..." Remus warned, much in the way he had while they had attended Hogwarts.

"No, no, nothing like that, Remy, I swear it. It's just that...the longer I sit here and dwell on what the others say about me...I wonder if there can't be a little truth to it? I mean, Azkaban has been infamous for making people crack, and I must admit sometimes I do see more of James in Harry than is probably there..." Remus sensed where this was headed and pulled Sirius into a hug. He knew Black was close to shedding tears he hadn't dared to let loose in ages.

"It's completely understandable, Sirius, and I don't want you for a moment believing what the others whisper about you. They don't understand that you lost more than a friend when you lost James. You lost a brother, and I'm the only one who really understands that. But Sirius, you can't honestly believe you're going insane, can you?"

"I don't know, Remus. You try sitting for weeks on end in a house you vowed to never return to with a crazy house-elf and a portrait of your mum that won't stop muttering evil nothings every time you walk past. It's like I've been sentanced to Azkaban all over again..." There was a strange, uncomfortable silence between the two of them.

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered, and Sirius could tell he truly meant it, "I never really realized how horrible this must be. I guess I've been too wrapped up in, well, business."

"It's alright; it's my own fault for letting my hopes up. Can you believe I was almost looking forward to Harry being expelled? What kind of Godfather am I?"

"A fantastic one," Remus replied pushing away from Sirius just slightly to look at his face, still handsome with features from his youth that even Azkaban could not take away. "One who simply wants to be around the people he cares about most as often as possible." He offered Sirius a smile, and before Sirius knew what he was doing, he leaned over and gave Remus a kiss. Neither was shocked by this, since they had done it plenty times before, but it made Sirius tingle every time regardless.

"You know I can't resist that smile," Sirius grinned once their lips parted. A bit of color rose in Lupin's cheek before Sirius suddenly cast a wary glance around the room. "I wonder where Kreacher's gone off to?" He questioned aloud, signaling to Remus that the conversation was over. "I suppose I'll have to find the little monster, probably trying to save pieces of furniature and store them under the furnace..." Sirius started up the stairs, where suddenly he had a revelation and turned back to Lupin.

"Moody left some kind of report for you to look over; I left it on the kitchen table," there was an appropriate pause as Lupin inclined his head. "And of course you're welcome to stay for a few days, if you make one agreement." A sly smile crept onto Sirius's face.

"And what's that?" Lupin asked, Sirius's smile contagious.

"You'll have to stay in my room." Sirius winked and headed up towards the attic.

Remus shook his head and stood up, heading down the stairs towards the kitchen, a smile still on his face.

Fin.

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