[::..The Optic Monologues..::]

[::..Thursday, January 30, 2003..::]

ok, so i took the "what sex toy are you?" quiz. i got "the cockring." is this just god's sense of humor or what? sorry jason, michelle, and devin, but there's no leash on this one. i'll spare you the image that came with it, but i felt i needed to publish the charming poem that came with the image............

You Are a Cockring!

Slip it on

Keep it hard

Or else you'll fuck

Like a tard.

loling. that's the funnie of the day for me.

[::..Del mooned at 6:42 PM..::]

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quote of the day:
michelle: she looked like she dipped her boob in a cup of nipple!
me: like the amish?

apparently devin, michelle, and i are venturing out to Cham-bana this weekend for an evening of REAL parties. if i don't return in 24 hours...... don't bother looking for me.

feeling VERY mood swingy. i was giggling like an idiot at times today, and then i'd crash at random get violently depressed for a few hours. honestly. it's so weird being me. i got so upset i almost skipped music history I and concert band. which would have been bad, because in music history dr.lowen let out a groan after a song that creeped us all out. we also went over baroque pears. which are pearls...... to the EXTREME. "it hurts......... but in a gooood way."

*shudder*

[::..Del mooned at 12:18 AM..::]

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[::..Wednesday, January 29, 2003..::]

looky what i found.

Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?

Sam: There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.

[::..Del mooned at 12:42 PM..::]

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i was just watching Clone High, (funny show), and they had this crude animation of lincoln eating a baby. i was the only person in the room *shrieking* with laughter. i'm such a sick bastard. then devin starts reading these jack handy quotes. jesus. i haven't laughed that hard since sarah and i were friends.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

End of Funnies
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

pep band was canceled. fucking hell. what are they going to do next? make beer illegal?

i miss my mommy. i wish she'd come home. but it's so cold here, she's honestly better off in mississippi.

[::..Del mooned at 12:14 AM..::]

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[::..Saturday, January 25, 2003..::]

i swear to god i've blogged. i even publish twice. and it eats my posts. whyyyy?
since last we have spoken, i've bought Swing Kids and Bring It On. i also have a fishtank. i got two "starter fish" and this sponge thing to put in the filter that has bacteria on it that's supposed to aid the environment. but one fish died before the first night because his eye popped out.

i also flipped off the fine folks at WalMart. bastards. don't fuck with me when i haven't had my pills. i bought the 4 disc LoTR the other day, but when i got it home, it wouldn't play in my DVD player. every time i put any of the discs in, it would make this weird scratching sound and freeze my computer. it's not like the drive couldn't *read* the disc...... it never got a chance to. it wasn't spinning correctly. well, i went back and exchanged it that day. same damn thing happened. so i went back the next day with jill and amber to return it. because i wanted the 30 dollars for a fish tank. they told me that i couldn't get my money back! i could only exchange it! because it infringed some copyright law. fuck the copyright law! they sold me a shitty product, and i wanted my money. so i flipped them off and yelled something scary. yeah. i should not be allowed in public. i took it over to nate's yesterday, and it fucking worked in his DVD player. but he offered to buy it from me when he gets paid, so the saga comes to a close.

[::..Del mooned at 1:52 PM..::]

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[::..Wednesday, January 15, 2003..::]

speech is so cool. it's going to be my favorite class. Rife is a great teacher. she babbles a lot, which is totally like me. we get to do an introductory speech, which i think rules. i get to talk about myself to a captive audience!

i had no problem getting up for class this morning. i'm understanding the theory so far, it just takes me awhile to analyze. which i suspect will always be the case, since i can't hold an idea in my head for long. oooh, that reminds me..... i need to get my papers from academic services. i'll call kathy now.

life of animals. i like. i heart biology. but the teacher's a little...... almost apathetic. but not so much that i can't pay attention. god, i have so much homework.

[::..Del mooned at 11:29 AM..::]

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[::..Tuesday, January 14, 2003..::]

ahhhhh. sleep.

so, i dropped oceanography because whenever i mention it, people have a really bad reaction to it. i don't need any more hard classes this semester, because all my other classes have a good bit of homework. so i want to take speech. devin said Rife is a really good, understanding teacher. which is what i need. but paws says her class is closed. meaning it's too full. oh, well. har har. i'm going anyway. because i know people will drop it. so i'll just go early and get a seat, and pretend i'm actually in the class. then talk to Rife afterwards.

did i mention that i feel well-rested?

it's so nice to be back at school.

[::..Del mooned at 8:44 AM..::]

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[::..Monday, January 13, 2003..::]

i hate insomnia. i have chronic insomnia. i think. and it SUCKS MONKEY BALLS. i have class at 8. and it's effin' THEORY.

what's my schedule, you ask?

Music Theory II M W F 8-9 a.m.
Life of Animals M W 9-10 a.m.
Th 2-4 p.m
Am. Theatre in Film M W 10-11 a.m.
F 11-1 p.m.
Mixed Chorus M W F 1-2 p.m
Music History I M W F 3-4 p.m.
Concert Band M W 4-6 p.m.
Concert Choir T Th 12:30-2 p.m.
Oceanography W 7-9:30 p.m.

it could be worse. it's only 18 credit hours. i miiiight drop Oceanography, though. i hear it sucks. it's 2.5 hours. and it's late in the evening. so i don't know. i might try to take Chem.

i have been lying in bed for 4 hours trying to sleep. this is what i get for drinking caffeine before bedtime. when i get to this point, i decide to get up and do something productive. if i start to feel drowsy, great. i'll sleep. but i'm totally alert right now, and i'm not wasting my time in bed.

to do tomorrow....

1. make appointment with academic advisor
2. work on admissions essay
3. get the covers for my notebooks done.

[::..Del mooned at 4:23 AM..::]

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[::..Thursday, January 09, 2003..::]

i'm seeing rent again on january 20. it's MLK Jr. day, and my school has it off. so i'm driving to Owensboro, KY to rush. hopefully some virgins will go. i've never introduced anyone to the show before, and it's a good feeling. i feel strangely good about seeing the show too. the past few shows had been so much about seeing my friends, not the show. but right now i almost feel like i *need* to see it. to set me back on track. to refresh me. and i can't wait to introduce new people to it. it'll be so funny to see people genuinely laughing at OTM.

need. buttercream. candle.

[::..Del mooned at 2:39 AM..::]

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Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate?
brought to you by Quizilla

like that wasn't predictable. i kind of want aragorn, but only for mad rolls in the hay every now and again. raaawr. stubble.

[::..Del mooned at 2:14 AM..::]

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[::..Wednesday, January 08, 2003..::]

Which Ringwraith are You?
By Lisa

that was the most amusing quiz i have ever taken. other than renata's.

[::..Del mooned at 4:19 AM..::]

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lol. this fucking rules. but...... it's mt.carmel. there is not mountain of caramel anywhere near here.

i think.

[::..Del mooned at 2:39 AM..::]

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[::..Tuesday, January 07, 2003..::]

right, so...... we can't find friskey. for all of you viewers who don't know who that is, he's the cat i've had since i was 5. he's 15 years old, deaf, and blind in one eye. he has a brain tumor also. we don't think he's in the house. what if he gets hit by a car? he can't hear anything. i've just come to terms with the fact that he probably won't make it for another year, but i expected to have him put down. not...... whatever could happen to him out there. it's freezing.

Unsolved Mystery Update:
we found him. rather, dad found him. not under his desk, not behind the boxes under his desk, but behind the boxes past the back of the desk and between the large pieces of cardboard behind the desk. he's totally terrified. i think he feels vulnerable because he knows he can't hear at all, or see well. but yeah. i coaxed him out and he ran to the laundry room to hide behind the washer. i tried to take him into the living room to show him that the dogs were gone, and he hid his head in the crook of my arm. it was really sweet, but it's not like him to be so frightened.

[::..Del mooned at 4:51 PM..::]

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[::..Monday, January 06, 2003..::]

tomorrow:

go see shelley and chris
go to evansville and get hair dye and bleach (hee hee)
get new sneakers

[::..Del mooned at 12:43 AM..::]

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[::..Friday, January 03, 2003..::]

wow. i'm a sick fuck. who needs to sleep. jessie and i were discussing the Collins cast and their high mortality rate, if you will.

Jessie: this tour and marks. its ridiculous.
Me: they change cast members like i change underwear.
Me: and kevin is like that underwear you never get to wash.
Me: yet he's always refreshing!
Me: omg. i need to go to bed.

i was just looking at pictures from the KC rush. and i have a picture of the guy owl-slapping! and of megan hissing at the falling lamp-post-thing! and of megan next to the "trust jesus" thing on the electrical box! exclamation points! yay!

who the hell is this guy that writes "trust jesus" on every overpass and telephone post in america? it's always the same handwriting. does he really think jesus appreciates that? i mean, really. what *would* jesus do? deface public property? i think not.

[::..Del mooned at 8:27 PM..::]

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[::..Thursday, January 02, 2003..::]

pan to the padlocked door. new year's rockin' eve!......
a getting-pissed-at-thom party....

new years was fun. really. until thom got drunk. we looked at internet porn, bounced on his mom's excercise balls, and drank.

btw, his mom bought this chocolate called "Milky Dreams". so, so funny.

anyway...... yeah. so, thom is an alcoholic. he drinks when he's alone, he drinks when he's going out with people who are not drinking... he drinks a lot. it's a problem. i made it clear to him that i did not want him to get smashed, because he becomes this disgusting, obnoxious retard when he's drunk. we were at his parents' house, since that's where he lives now. which was fine with me.... his parents went to see The Two Towers, and they'd be back around 10:30. he bought me a bottle of my peach pucker, and he bought himself a bottle of peppermint schnapps. no heavy drinking going on. we were enjoying ourselves. then he decides he needs more to drink. he wanted me to go with him to fetch more alcohol (yes, he was driving.) i, of course, said no, and reiterated how much i hated it when he was drunk. thom is in severe denial, and also thinks he's convincing when he lies because everyone on the planet humors him. he was all like "i'm just going to go get more for tomorrow, because i have to spend the day with my parents." he went. and came back. and drank more. this is when he became profoundly annoying.

when thom is reeeeally drunk, he: grabs and rubs his crotch constantly, humps things, talks about fucking his family members, coworkers, and friends, makes fart sounds, REFUSES to talk above a whisper, gets bitter and vindictive, makes vague suicide references, and is an all-around drag. he eventually falls asleep.

this is what ensues. was i having fun? no. he quit speaking after his parents got home. his parents are cool. and i think it's really lame to lie to your parents when they're taking you into their home and helping you pay off your debt, but all alcoholics do is lie so they can continue their addiction. thom lies constantly. anyway. so, he fell asleep around 11:00. wheee, what a rockin' new year! watching VH1's top 100 One Hit Wonders with a sleeping drunk next to me. pinch me, i'm dreaming! so i woke him up. he was too drunk to speak, really. he wouldn't talk above a whisper, wouldn't do anything but shrug. he looked so indifferent and smug and stupid and hazy i just wanted to belt him. so i started lecturing and being a bitch, which was partly because i had had a bottle of peach pucker. i told him i'd leave if he didn't wake up and starting at least attempting to pay attention to his guest. he shrugged. he was past the point of acting remotely human, so i sat there all pissed off until 12:05, and then drove home in the pouring rain. i'm sure he pouted and felt very sorry for himself after i left, and consequently drank more. and you know what he had the nerve to do? he called me the next morning around 11:30 (drunk off his ass again) and slurred something about calling Cory. why, i don't know. he couldn't say. and i hung up on him.

i can't stand this anymore. no wonder jan moved out. i don't know how to deal with it. like, if i leave, he'll get more depressed and drink more. i'd be fueling the addiction. but if i stay, i have to sit there with this vile person that i can't stand to look at and take his abuse.

*sigh* i must calm down.

i've been alone in this big house since sunday, and will be until saturday. it's dreary and depressing. as well and creepy.... i'm so paranoid. i have no one to hang out with, and nothing to do to amuse myself but to eat. which i'm trying reeeally hard to curb. i wish dad would come home. i wish both my parents would come home.

poooor me. :) i'm really not that bitter and self-pitying. i just had to get some things off my chest. i've been doing my best to amuse myself.... painting my fingernails green (divine decadence), designing my tattoo...... eating. i feel like the past year and a half has been some kind of test to see how well i can survive completely on my own. how many movies i'll go to alone, how many times i'll eat at Steak N Shake alone, how much mindless TV i'll watch. but i've also learned to love reading again, how to appreciate the smallest things, how to amuse myself by looking out the window, and how to not let rejection get me down (on the outside). which, i think, is good. things have a way of working out like this, i think. but i get tested enough at school.... this is supposed to be a vacation.

i'm going to write sarah a letter.

[::..Del mooned at 6:10 PM..::]

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