[::..The Optic Monologues..::]

[::..Thursday, August 29, 2002..::]

i can't stop listening to that song mandy moore sings in A Walk To Remember. Only Hope.

at freshman convocation, they played this neat overture thing as the faculty walked in. and the band people that volunteered didn't know what it was. it was john williams, so everyone was like "is that jurassic park? why........?" and we were waiting for a dinosaur to run in.
but it was robin hood: prince of theives.

last night i dreamed i gave someone a hand job. but i can't for the life of me remember who. it's driving me crazy. i remember little vignettes from it....... which i won't describe in detail.
at least my sub-conscious is getting some action.

ok. i broke down and dl'ed the Cavies's show. i was right. it *is* boring. but i get to the last few minutes, which are actually pretty memorable. i enjoy the Rhythm portion of the music. we get to Darren's Dance Grooves. the crowd screams so loudly, i can't hear the percussion break. explain this to me. why would you scream at a show like that? (especially one that is undeserving of 99.10...) i understand a hoot here and there of total, irrepressible excitement. but this is not a metallica concert. this is not ozz fest. there is no amplification. the point is to enjoy the show.... and in indy, everyone jumped to their feet and screamed like their balls had dropped off. how about, next time i go to the opera, and my favorite part nears, i jump up and start screeching and flailing arhythmicly?
or how about i don't?

opera. god. i love it. i'm going to the libarry in a few to rent La Boheme..... which i'm seriously considering flying across the country to see. i've got to know what Baz does with a stage. he's a huge opera fan.
what? you're not a big opera fan? download Con Te Partiro. Andrea Bocelli. dude. it's about two lovers, seperated by distance, coming together in their dreams. it's the greatest. and it's not a soprano.... it's a man. i would never thrust a soprano on any of you guys.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 4:10 PM..::]


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ok. so, i did my voice placement for mixed, which is required. very low-key and whatnot. you just sing a christmas carol, or america, or something. i go in, i sing a little. rossi tests me on ear training. i nailed all of them. he seemed amazed at my voice, and wanted me to audition for concert choir. he loved me. he was all like "i remember you could sing, but i don't remember you singing like THAT!"

until i sight-read. bomb.

he proceeded to tell me that my voice was exactly what he was looking for, but my sight-reading was not up to par. color me disappointed. but on the bright side, i got lots of compliments. and i love love love mixed choir. as long as i get to sing.....

oh, and i hate singing in the north gym. for those of you who aren't regulars at my blog....... all music rehearsals will take place in McAfee gyms until "fall of 2003", which, in EIU-ese, means ten years from now. we all know how awesome the acoustics in gymnasiums are!

jesse bradford is a fox. yup. he can bring it on aaaaanytime.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 3:45 PM..::]


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[::..Monday, August 26, 2002..::]

i'm so bad at updating.

oooh! i bought a book on half.com, called "The Annotated Alice." It's annotations of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. it's hardback. and beautiful. and cheap. i'm also considering a book called "Trips: Hallucinogens and Their Effect on the Brain." it's illustrated and all that. anything that can alter your reality so drasticly is worth a look-see.

and i'm ordering 4 books from AK Press.

i just may be an English major.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 11:27 PM..::]


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[::..Wednesday, August 21, 2002..::]

soooo. here i am. this room is so big. and air-conditioned. it greatly surpassed my expectations. all i had to do for band camp today was register. i saw dave beforehand, and he said registration was from 11-1. which means i didn't *have* to show up at 11. i got there, and saw the band practicing. i flipped out, ran home, had a nervous breakdown, got my clarinet, and ran back. then i saw the signs that say "Marching Blue Registration" ----->. i follow the arrow. apparently dave was right. and it was the newbies/section leaders practicing. then they told me that i didn't have to be back until 7. but now i'm wondering whether they just mean back at the gym. because it says we were supposed to have sectionals, and then a marching rehearsal. and if i'm sitting here jerking off when everyone else is learning drill and music, i'll cry. again. this schedule is so vague. aaaargh.

in other news..... i bought "disturbing the peace", by vaclav havel. and i found 60$ in an unopened birthday card from my dad.

even though i'm easily upset, as usual, i'm generally optimistic. weird.

oh. guess what i left at home. my blankets and pillows. i brought a wind-up Gary and a fake bird, but i forget ALL of my bedding. and i like to sleep with 3+ pillows and 2 blankets. soooo last night i slept with my indian batik blanket, a chenille throw, a fleece baby blanket, a pillow i got at WalMart, and a decorative pillow with an elephant embroidered on it. i'm such a dipshit.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 3:14 PM..::]


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[::..Sunday, August 18, 2002..::]

weird shit i've packed for school:

giant sunglasses
old fliers from a drag show
a switchblade comb (that i weilded at people in the Smithsonian)
~30 Tshirts
old militant christian cartoon booklets i found
wind-up Gary
mountains of condoms and lube from that pride festival
fake bird

cost of NFG tickets in Chicago: 15.00

ok, so jessica is ~11. and is slow. not even retarded. but her mom babies her. she's a spoiled little fucker. she was trying to piss me off by following my around giggling and hiding today before the show. i saw her fingernails. flourescant blue. with glitter. before an 1860's show. i nicely told her she had to go take it off. she babbled something and left. i told thom (stage manager). thom told me to do it myself. so i tokk the paint thinner from the cabinet, and sat her down. she refused. i told her that if she didn't let me take it off, we were calling her mother. she started whining about how she got her nails done. i said "sooo... you paid to get your nails done yesterday?"
"*nod*" very enthusiasticly, as if this is going to make me happy.
*still pseudo-nicely* "why did you do that when you knew very well that poor blind girls in the 1860's didn't paint their nails fucking blue?"
*shrug*.......... *stupid grin*
"no, jessica. that wasn't good. it has to come off. why did your mother allow that?????"
*shrug*.......... *stupid grin*
so, i told jenni (director). she scolded jessica, who started crying. wah. she was like "but i told my mom you said it was ok!"
Jenni: you told your mother i said it would be ok if you did this?
*happy nod*
Jenni: why? that's a lie! why would you lie to your mother? you know very well i didn't say that. lying is very bad.
*runs off crying like a little bitch*

we decided that she could keep it for tonight, and hide her hands in her apron. if it's not gone today when she gets to the theatre, she won't go on. spoiled. brat. she eats everything in sight. she's huge. she does stupid shit like stare at people and wave her hands in people's faces. not because she's retarded. because she is constantly allowed to do that crap at home. she literally has no manners. retarded/slow people deserve accomodations, of course. some things they can't understand. but i don't baby her.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 3:29 AM..::]


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[::..Tuesday, August 13, 2002..::]

stoned. stoned stoned stoned.

yaaaaa. i went to Chuck E. Cheese's yesterday for scott's 3rd birthday. my nose is runny. i can't think of anything else to say.

except that i want you all to know that i'm a loser because i can't concentrate without drugs. i can't associate with my own species without drugs. and i can't sleep without drugs. total gaywad. i can have....
my space bar is so smooth!
i can have fun without drugs. but i can ahve more fun with them.

that sounds like a Tshirt. i'm bored.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 2:29 AM..::]


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[::..Wednesday, August 07, 2002..::]

so. i took katie home yesterday. for those of you who don't know who that is..... which is everyone..... she's Chris's daughter. aged 10 or so. she's in the play. we have fun. Chris is my massage therapist. oooh, it sounds so fancy. yeh, she just rubs my back for an hour in exchange for money or babysitting or something. anyway. i took katie home. it was cool. i gravitate towards children now. i used to hate spending time with kids, or anything human. but it's cool now. she sat in my car in her driveway and BEGGED me not to leave, since i had said i was gonne come in and talk to her mom. but Chris wasn't there. and then kaysee came out. yes, the 5 year old that talks about penises and boobies and wants to be a pole dancer. and she got in my car. and then they got the cat. then their fricking dad stood in the sliding door and stared at me when he realized that his daughter was not in the house anymore. and they wouldn't go inside. and kaysee kept making animal noises. kids. oiy.

i go through motions. i can't really make any jokes. i can laugh at some of them. and make random comments. but i can't talk to anyone, or make conversation. not like i ever could. but i'm so tired lately, i haven't the energy. paint paint paint. it's all i do.

andrea and i went to WalMart at midnight yesterday to get LotR. and then we watched it. i cry like a little bitch when frodo is standing at the riverbank at the end. every time. i'm holding out for the Limited Edition thing. i also re-bought Moulin Rouge, since i destroyed my first copy. nice to have it back.

what's on my plate this fall, you ask?

Classes:
Literary Masterworks
Music Theory I
Aural Training I
Anthropology
Script Analysis

Other:
Marching Blue
Mixed Choir
possible Theatre
possible Exercise class at gym.
along with all my recreational reading and painting and such. which i always do too much of.

take note how i did not mention "sleep" or "eat". sex, drugs, and rock n' roll go without saying.
nooo, i'm not cliche...
i don't want to be stressed. no normal person could handle all that shit, let alone me. i couldn't so much a speak to someone, stop vomiting, go to class, or even wake up last semester. this is going to be some cruel game: let's see how much del can take before she snaps and starts talking to shrubbery.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 11:27 PM..::]


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[::..Sunday, August 04, 2002..::]

i bought Prozac Nation. on a whim. what a motherfucking whim. i have never read anything more true. ok, i have. like, les mis and stuff. but this shit hits right next to home. it's so cool. i'm also plodding through the book renata gave me. :) and a pagan history/philosophy/ritual book, which is beyond fascinating. and i still crack my buddhism books. so i have so little time to learn HTML, or make a header for my blog, or shower, or eat, or apply for transfer.

guess who called today?

yeah. you guessed it. like nothing ever happened. the worst part is...... i couldn't summon any real livid anger.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 12:42 AM..::]


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i'm not stressed, really. i'm just busy. every night i trek to the Greyville theatre and paint/prompt/spank it. and now all day, too. i'm going crazy. and i started popping adderall today so i could concentrate on my painting. i know, i'm turning into a speed junkie. but it feels so nice to be able to sit down and really concentrate on something without having to struggle. people try to interrupt me and lure me away, and i stay. i have to finish painting. it's really great.

i got glasses. aaaaand if i still hade CuteFTP, i could upload a picture. but they're black framed. oh so original and artsy. i almost went with plain wire silver frames, but i figure, why stick with classics this time when i can take the next step?

i want to watch Guys and Dolls. because i want to be IN Guys and Dolls. i can sing Sarah Brown's part. i swear. *whistles*
oh, well. i will still always have Miss Hannigan, Sally, and Anita.

[::..Del dropped a spore at 12:38 AM..::]


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