:: The Optic Monologues ::

:: Tuesday, April 09, 2002 ::

jesus dot com

go. it's a scream. and thought-provoking, if you have an open mind. i would suggest reading the whole site before either a) dismissing it as disrespectful, or b) assuming it's all humor. this guy, however creepy, has some interesting ideas. i don't necessarily agree with all of them, but interesting nontheless. if you want a *real* laugh, go to the mailbag. at first i was overcome with anger, as usual, but these types of people are so absurd and ignorant, it's laughable. meaning....... literally laugh-out-loud funny. dangerous types, but funny.

random kitten generator

the coolest site on the web. go forth. it's completely addictive. though it also includes the kitten i have entitled "handsome dan". be forwarned...... it's kind of scary. but i think he has personality. i want one.

ok, so there was some random Pretty People Week events going on in the athletic area, which i'm lucky enough to live right next to. there were these loud booms...... at first i thought they were cannons/gunshots signifying the beginning of a race, but then i realized....... it's just the sound of the Pretty People breaking the sound barrier. they're literally getting prettier faster than the speed of sound. intriguing. i wonder if that hurts......
:: Delanor Benson 1:48 AM [+] ::

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what's your battle cry? |
mewing.net | merchandise!

i didn't really get penis. i just looked at the other options, and felt that i needed the word "penis" in big, colorful letters on my blog.

which children's storybook character are you?

this quiz was made by colleen

French Stewart:
in examining a work such as peter rabbit, it is important that the superficial characteristics of it's deceptively simple plot should not be allowed to blind the reader to the more substancial fabric of it's deeper motivation. in this report, i plan to discuss the sociological implications of family pressures so great, as to drive an otherwise moral rabbit to perform acts of thievery which he consciously knew were against the law. i also hope to explore the personality of mr.mc.gregor, in his conflicting roles as farmer...... and humanitarian....
:: Delanor Benson 3:54 PM [+] ::

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doooooooooooom
water make the river, river wash the mountain, fire make the sunlight, turn the world around...
doooooooooooom
we come from the moutain, living in the mountain, go back to the mountain, turn the world around....

harry belafonte is neat.

ok, so....... rockapella has done covers of the mission:impossible theme, kiss from a rose, and...... are you ready? smooth criminal. be scared. and i dl'ed all of them. be even more scared.

you've been hit by, you've been struck by.... a smooth criminal. bow bow da-da bow bow.

i can't stand family video. i used to like them, because they're cheap. but if you have something that's a week over due, they call you every day. which is only mildly annoying. it's a good reminder. but. this morning i was cleaning until dawn. and these bastards called me no less than 9 times. they called me at least every hour. and they'd let it ring at least ten times, of course. then they called my parents, and had THEM call me, so i was getting all these calls while i'm trying to sleep. i had a headache. and i have a loud phone. and i wanted to getup and un plug the phone, but my head hurt, and i kept hoping they'd stop calling. i guess it worked, i took the frigging video back. rrrrr. bastards.

danke schoen, oh darlin', danke schoen...... i said thank you for seein' me again! though we go on our seperate ways, still the mem'ry stays for always. my heart says, danke schoen.....

i swear i'm singing danke schoen someday for an audition. it's so good.

i can't find my glasses. i only had them for a couple of weeks, and they're already lost. i feel like such a fuck-up, because they were awesome. and expensive. i wish i wasn't such a scatterbrain. people think it's all endearing and shit. "ha haaa, del! did you lose your keys AGAIN? *chortle*" it makes me want to punch someone's face in. i hate it when people are condecending like that. egh. i probably do it to other people all the time and don't even notice. if i do..... sorry. it's so offensive.
:: Delanor Benson 7:36 PM [+] ::

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ok. smoking. cigs, anyway. i fucking hate it. and i hate that i hate it. i really do. i have so many friends that smoke. and i honestly don't mind if they smoke in my car...... my only rule is that they ask, and they don't chain smoke. if they light up in my car without asking, that cigarette is going out the window. the entire pack if i'm in a bad mood. i've done it before. like, hi, you may want lung cancer, but some of us have to preserve our voices a bit. some of us weren't weak and stupid as children, and didn't cave to peer pressure. some of us aren't stupid enough to partake in habits that literally ONLY do damage. how many things can you think of that are 100% harmful, and widely used? yeah..... pot's illegal, but burger king and cigarettes are. but, hey, you know about all those weed-related deaths, right? *eyeroll* alcohol should be up there, but i would like that to *stay* legal, thank you. ;) i'm not saying cigarettes should be illegal. well, in a perfect society, they would, but that's an absurd notion, and i think we all learned our lesson about randomly taking away people's pleasures from the prohibition era. and i hate that i feel that way. because it's wrong, and people make bad mistakes when they're young. but when you're with someone, and you're talking, and they're just like 'man! i need a cigarette! hold on.....' i get so pissed. i shouldn't talk, because i have an addiction to food, and it's really not something i can stop doing easily. i need to be in over-eaters anonymous, but that would be....... *shudder*. sad. even though i understand where they're coming from, it's just so vile and disgusting.......
edit: i'd like to add that i rarely get so angry at my friends, because, well....... they're my friends. it's the concept in general i hate. i don't want my friends think i want to punch them in the face whenever they light up.

whew. now that THAT'S out of my system.

take the non-offensive quiz.

i'm beginning to really like it here in illinois. i think i want to go camping in montana sometime.

if you want to be calmed, look no further than the second movement of john rutter's "gloria". it's like enya.

i went shopping today. i should have gone back to charleston and went to that concert, but instead i went shopping. apparently old navy wants everyone in america to have plumber's crack and pubes poking out of their jeans. i realize low-rise looks cute on some people, but low-rise is literally all this old navy had, besides tapered jeans. i don't do taper. sorry. anyway...... yeah. they had stuff in my size this time, which is rare. i didn't notice what kind they were, because when i see '16" and "18", i RUN for the dressing room. i tried them on. my crack was practicly stick out of those damn jeans, and i was sticking out all over...... *shudder*. i got so annoyed, as i always do when i shop for pants. do the morons up at old navy realize that they can't just take their normal-people jeans, and up the size? it does not work that way. fat-kid clothes require certain alterations. and 90% of fat girls can't wear low-rise. grrr. so, after stalking around literally fanticizing about knocking a few shelves over and sticking a gun in my mouth...... yeah, i need anger management...... i went to deb. white trash 'r us. you can usually find some cool stuff there among the trash. did they have jeans in my size? of COURSE NOT! that would have been too easy. but i did find two pairs of pants that fit.... a pair of stretch-jeans. they look coooool. and this completely offensive pair of pinstripe pants. the stripes are shades of red, maroon, pink, and salmon. yes, salmon. hee. i live for tacky clothes. and i got a hippie shirt and a blue stretchy-type shirt at old navy. yeah, like you all wanted to hear about my shopping trip.......
oh. and i got a NIN patch. wheeee!
:: Delanor Benson 1:31 AM [+] ::

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'tis a beautiful day. seriously............ it's nice and chilly, but you don't necessarily need a jacket. this is a You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown day. a Bernstein day. a Gershwin day.

it's Pretty People Week here at EIU, and the Pretty People are outside playing bingo and being pretty.

:: Delanor Benson 3:34 PM [+] ::

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blogger, brought to you by lucifer himself...
:: Delanor Benson 12:01 AM [+] ::

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this has been, by far, the most amusing day online in a very long time. go read this thread. watch as the fun unfolds, in 'boards of our lives'.
recap: renata was telling me about a radio commercial that's delightfully blasphemous, where god's telling noah to waterproof the ark....
god: now your job is to tell all your friends about greentree waterproofing!

Me: God to Noah: i have another quest for you, my son. go forth and spread the word of the new nutritious, delicious 'kitten krunch'! made with fresh berries, wholesome wheat, and live kittens! part of a balanced breakfast!
Renata: hahaha
Me: i can't stop picturing you sitting at a table in your jammies, opening a cereal box, and pouring kittens out into a bowl...
Renata: lol
Me: *snigger*
Me: *ahem*
Me: sorry.
Renata: i'm kind of disturbed..
Renata: this is my second post in 5 minutes about killing kittens
Renata: and i LOVE kittens
Renata: my next post is gonna be about puppies.
Renata: aww jeeze..
Renata: now i'm picturing YOU busting through a door with a big bag of kittens..
Renata: like santa claus, but evil
Me: loling
Me: i was going to say 'with a bag of aborted kitten fetuses' but i thought that might be a bit much....
Renata: lol
Renata: perhaps
Me: i'm truly a sick fuck
Renata: yes, but that's why we love you
Renata: and i forgot to tell you... in thos noah/god waterproofing ads..
Renata: noah's randomly like "oh no! the kangaroo rats got too close to the alligators!"
Me: *rolls*
:: Delanor Benson 8:56 PM [+] ::

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i slept last night! for multiple hours! in my BED! in a normal, reclining, horizontal position! in pajamas! whee!

Find out which Moulin Rouge song you are.

i really got 'one day i'll fly away'. i wanted 'el tango de roxanne', but that wasn't an option. so i choose this one, because it's my favorite song.
:: Delanor Benson 12:49 PM [+] ::

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never even attempt to do an oil painting without liquin. ever. there is orange paint all over everything. orange paint that will never come off of anything, except if scrubbed into oblivion with mineral oil. or paint thinner. the paint thinner will give you an amusing buzz after awhile, but you might end up mildly retarded.

i think my hair is starting to fall out..... and i fell over in the union today after walking up a flight of stairs. hmm. methinks something is afoot. i really don't like having only two classes on MWF...... it gives me too much free time to waste. but i actually went and ordered checks today, as well as returning the offensively overdue movies to family video. tomorrow: call VU and schedule voice lessons over the summer, ask about baritone, and make the deposit to register for next fall's classes, even though i frigging swear i already made it. i haven't gotten my swastika poster in the mail yet..... i think i'm supposed to *send* the order. which would require me to have personal checks. even though i'm, um, MOVING in 3-4 weeks.

krystal is visiting the 12th and 13th. yayness. to take the TAP. a future EIU-er. wheeeeee.

oh, and i don't think i've mentioned this........ i finally got around to seeing American Beauty. i watched it on my demonic tv, then ran out to wally world and bought it. it's officially on my 'favorite movies' list. like, in the top ten. i rule.

political compass. i take it every now and then, and find myself edging closer and closer to anarchism. dude, i'm not an anarchist. i swear. i'd rather be an anarchist than a fascist any day.
Economic Left/Right: -4.25
Authoritarian/Libertarian: -8.05
wheeee, pseudo-close to gandhi. gandhi and i are brothas. we're like this........ *crosses fingers*

ok. summer so far..... *just to recap*
June 6 - July...16? - Comp II with Fleetwood. 8th grade English teacher. doesn't get any better than that. oh, wait, i had Gordon for Comp I last summer.
June 14 - blink/green day. wheeee!
June 18 - birthday. a whopping 19.
June 26 - warped tour @ STL. i'll put up with the annoying people and the annoying bands if it means i can see br and wear an eyepatch. arrrr.
July 27 - DCI Indy. hell effin' yeah. best part of the whole summer. viva la madison scouts.
August 10 & 11 - North Halsted Market Days. say it with me. Gay. Pride. Festivals. Rock. i hope ant will be there......
undisclosed weeks: trips to chicago to see emily, rick, and *nina*, possible voice class, and sleeping at least 12 hours a night. summer never looked so good. if only it was all air-conditioned.
:: Delanor Benson 11:09 PM [+] ::

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i finally have time to update fo' real.

there's this giraffe. i really want it. it's 6 feet tall, concrete, and $250. if i had it, it would be totally worth it. i'd paint it all kinds of colors, and do patterns and textures and stuff in his spots. i'd either name him Ralph or Mr.Bojangles. he could wear a hat. but i also want a nice digital video camera. so.

i worked on a painting today. i'm not sure where it's going from here. i do know that if i ever have to look at the color orange again, i'll shit kittens.

i got really stoned over the weekend. what made it so great was, there was a special on little people on tv. omg. i was nearly crying. then invader zim and spongebob. too perfect.

:: Delanor Benson 12:47 AM [+] ::

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