:: The Optic Monologues ::

:: Wednesday, March 27, 2002 ::

poster i bought. PLEASE...... someone stop me from buying posters. i don't frigging need any more.

:: Delanor Benson 6:07 PM [+] ::
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arrrgh. i'm a pirate.

so. saw sarah this weekend. i woke up friday evening and went home. stayed up all night. dozed off around 1:00 p.m. Saturday. ~1:30 sarah calls me and randomly asks me if i can pick her up in Kentucky. after some phone tag, jackie and i went to get her in louisville. we ate at denny's and explored the possibilities of "moons over my hammy". tee. stayed at jackie and joey's, watched "killer klowns from outer space". sarah spooned me. WHY must everyone SPOON ME? then she sleep-cursed at me when i left to go get sick at home. i never did sleep. went back over to her house, we drove around all frigging morning for andrea.... went to mc.donalds for breakfast, finally she calls my cellie. we hang out with her and ryan outside her house until i took sarah back to kentucky around 10:45. and, btw, she was supposed to be there at 10:00. oops.

hmmmm. i'm officially in 3 classes, which makes me an official fuck-up. i'm a fuck-up. but it really does feel good to admit that out loud.

i would give anything to have a normal sleep schedule.

*has blink/green day tickets*

i need pants that fucking fit me. i considered going to walmart and getting some. or maybe i should wash the ones i have. hmmm.

everything comes back to me. every fucking thing. right back to me.
:: Delanor Benson 4:43 PM [+] ::
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take free enneagram test

i haven't blogged in a few days. too tired/sick/bored/numb. i'll update later.
:: Delanor Benson 3:56 AM [+] ::
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www.warpedtour.com ~and~ www.warped2002.com

omg. yeah, so....... bad religion and reel big fish and such will only play little bitty sets. but dude. i'm SO there. STL Riverport. i'm pissy, because i wanted to go to the Tinley Park show in chicago and see *nina* if she goes. but, alas, on July 27 i'll be at a DCI show in Indy. foo. and i'm readying to buy blink182 and green day tickets for June 14 in Indy. so... there's my summer. i will not get fucked out of going to warped tour again.

rented a film called "bent". about a gay man in berlin who's catured and sent to a concentration camp for being queer..... only he tells them he's jewish so he won't be treated as badly. he thinks he could get out if he pleads jew. riiiiiight. SO. then he falls in love with some other guy there. i won't tell the rest, but it's really depressing. and lovely. i'm buying it on DVD.... it rocks. what i could see of it, anyway. tv's still getting darker...... i couldn't see anything in the first half of it. i *heard* someone getting sucked off, but couldn't see a damn thing, which is no fun. so. night scenes and bar scenes are black on my screen. and what else did i rent? Cabaret. jesus lord.

i'm on a cabaret fix now.... i ordered that poster off of ebay, i ordered the book "The Berlin Stories" by Christopher Isherwood, which is what Cabaret is based on, and i'm so very tempted to order the libretto coffee-table book and *nice* score book now top. please...... keep me away from half.com.
:: Delanor Benson 5:56 PM [+] ::
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i'm officially signed up for Comp II this summer. it's only 5 weeks long, and starts at noon. bonus. the week after school lets out, i'm taking a solo trip to Savannah, GA, for some pondering. which will make me feel like the Brain. narf. and to relax, because i desperately need a beak. get a hotel on Tybee Island. browse the Riverside and read. yeah.

i've come to the conclusion that i've never been much good alone. it's so true.

wow, that sounds really dirty..... but not like that. sicko.

i think i have a lot of repressed anger that i can't seem to let go of. i had a really unpleasant episode last night that i can't even describe because i was so out of it. i don't remember anything, except that it sucked, and i was really angry.

renata asked something about whether blink is punk or not, which got me all roused. not A-roused...... roused. so here's what i wrote. it's beyond amusing. and it's not totally ver batim, because i'm an edit junkie.

dude, you KNOW punk is one of my favorite subjects. ok.
classic punk is dead. or at least comatose. i mean, there's still punk rock, thank god, but the classic punk scene is over. and people think that for a band to be punk, it must be true to the 80's punk scene. but..... it's over. ergo, real punk rock is dead, since it would be foolish to try to emulate a code that goes hand in hand with it's own era. bringing back the 80's punk scene is like trying to bring back the 60's anti-war scene..... it wouldn't work now. today's punk is a bit bastardized. but then again, i'm thinking about the pop-punk wave. which i like. i'm sure all the underground punk bands aren't as bastardized..... but they still have the modern mantra, which i'm getting to in a bit.
as for a hardcore punk sound, no, blink's not hardcore punk. but they never claimed to be. they never claimed to be political or controversial. they're damn catchy. they write catchy, fun rock songs. they don't care whether people call them sellouts.... they do their own thing regardless. i respect that, and, to me, that's a pretty fuckin' punk idea. modern punk, anyway..... 80's punk was all about *caring* about something. being radical. as a self-proclaimed ex-member of The Scene. i can tell you that the mantra of today's punk youth is "i don't give a fuck". so.... is Blink punk in theory? yes. Are they punk in sound? not really.
but, really..... there are different styles of punk, the same as rock.... you have classic rock, metal, punk, soft rock..... no one's criticizing Korn for not being Aerosmith, so why criticize Blink for not being NOFX? and really, disliking band for being on MTV is the same as liking a band solely because they're on MTV. which, in the Book of Del, is beyond stupid, and you should have your stereo taken away from you. but now i sound like i'm bitching at renata, or someone......when i'm really just rambling........
*cough*
:: Delanor Benson 12:24 AM [+] ::
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ok. soooo....... sarah's not here. yeah. we're all rather upset. after planning it for months, her sister decided at random to once again be heinous and not take sarah. mmm-hmmmm. i'm going to keep my mouth shut. and be nice. yep yep. but you all know what i'm thinking. totally not any of sarah's fault. andrea's upset. krystal's upset. jackie's upset. and i'm pissy, because i could have gone to North Carolina for a few days. solo trip. done some writing. eh, whatever. i'll do it over the summer. i'm debating taking classes. bah.. i don't want to take classes during my free happy time. school sucks, and is totally not what i expected it to be. i'm not allowed to take certain classes, i'm expected to know EXACTLY what i want to do with my life...... which, by the way, is my anti-christ. i'm not into planning past 3-4 years right now. no fuckin' way.
i was thinking today what kind of 'job' i could ever possibly have. but then i realized..... if nothing art-related..... *and if it's art related, it's either on the creative or commerce end of things....... creative is not a way to feed yourself, and fuck commerce....... then i could *so* do conservation work. or work for amnesty. neither would pay terribly well, but who cares? i think i'd enjoy something like that..... it would leave me time to work on my writing and painting, and it's not a boring-ass job. give me a reason to wake up in the morning. but whatever. i just want to go to a *big-ish* school where i can just fucking take classes until i decide what i want a degree in. good lord. i also want to stay in band and choir and all that. but..... yeah. such a place does not exist. RRRRR. maybe i do need to go to VU for a couple years.
:: Delanor Benson 12:35 AM [+] ::
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Annoying Online Quiz Tiiime!

See which Whose Line is it Anyway? cast member you are!
I wanted Ryans Stiles. I had it up, but the graphic is WAY too big. I left Colin up because his is smaller. And Colin rocks. Just leavin' my Who's Line love.

I triiiied to get this one. I heart The Little Mermaid so much. I really got.......

I wasn't going to post it, because there are already WAY too many quizzes in my blog, but it's such a cool graphic, and i love Jasmin. Those are my two favorites. Wait, i love Meg, Belle, and of course..... Nala. All the others are too prissy and demure for my liking.

I really got Jack. But that frightened me. And I think i'm more like Grace anyway, even though I've seen it, like, 3 times.
:: Delanor Benson 12:19 AM [+] ::
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ok. here's the evening for those who are concerned.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
spring break is this week. at EIU *HELL* we have to leave the dorms during break. it's required. at Xmas break, we had to be out by 1:00 Sunday, so since i didn't recieve a closure ntoice like everyone else, i just assumed it would be the same. i guess they overlooked my mailbox. i also didn't get a little checkout paper on my door, but i figured i'd get around to it. i finally asked colleen, my RA, for one around 6:00. it said we had to be out by "8:00 p.m., Friday, March 8". i nearly had an heart attack, but my watch says it's the 7th, so i assumed it was a misprint. no biggie. i still had a day. i noticed how quiet it was, so later i looked out my window.... no cars in the parking lot. it was 8:00. i ran out in the hall and asked some random girl what day it was. yeah. the 8th. it was like "the 8th? are you sure? you are? you're positive?........ *pause*......... AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! let me explain....... we get fined if our rooms are REALLY dirty *fire hazard* and they have to come in a clean it over break. yes, they come in our rooms and do checks while we're gone. i've already taken 3 full-sized trash bags downstairs. THAT'S how dirty i am. and i had nothing packed. nothing cleaned. i try to call my parents to come and help............. phone can't call long distance. bill hasn't been paid. they change the locks over break so we can't get back in if we leave. i'm literally trapped. cell phone is MIA. i was absolutely hysterical. i don't know why.... there was no reason for panic. i just felt like a dumbass, and my hall was deserted. i thought maybe i could get online and see if anyone from Mt.C was on that could call mom and dad for me...... nope. well, i finally heard someone in the hall and talked to them. they said to go to the office. i did. still sobbing for some reason. they were totally rude and acted like it was such a pain in their ass *yeah, they supposed to be counselors*, which made me feel awful, and gave me 'till 9:00. i felt better. THEN Meghan got online. thank god. she relayed some messages to my mom. mom called me..... apparently people can call in. so dad's gonna be here at 7:00 a.m. he will bring a vacuum. and get my computer. and i will leave. the end.
:: Delanor Benson 10:14 PM [+] ::
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posting this again because i just HAVE to have a Gary on my blog. Mrrrrrow.
:: Delanor Benson 7:57 PM [+] ::
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All ducks aren't sweet and innocent and you prove that. You have a nasty streak.

Find your inner rubber ducky.
I actually got Sad Duck, but this graphic is spiffier. yeah. and Devil Duck is funny.
:: Delanor Benson 3:11 PM [+] ::
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yeah. so....... spending money on a corset, black skirt, and jewelry was so worth it. we were 5th row, slightly off center at the fox. i don't know how to review a show i've only seen once.... this might get messy.

Ted Keegan as Erik- so much better than Mr.Crawford on the OBC. granted, rarely do recordings match up to a live show, but ted has SUCH control over his voice. i literally have only one complaint about his performance: he did ace ventura moves every now and then.... when christine first takes off his mask, he was flailing around and jerking his head in a really over-exaggerated way...... it was just a little funny in a serious scene. i still felt for him.... and then, crawling across the floor, while moving, is also very jim carrey-esque, so the whole scene i kind of giggled. he still gets two thumbs way, way up. i loved every single thing he did... the way he said "christine..... i love you... i love you..." at the end absolutely killed me. it was all "this isn't how it was supposed to happen."

Rebecca Ritcher as Christine - ok. so.... i realize everyone can't be sarah b..... but i thought her voice was a little dark and mature for the role. plus, she way overshot a lot of high belt notes. really sharp, esp. in 'think of me' and 'wishing you....' they were still lovely.... she's a nice acrtess. i enjoyed her very much. my only complaint is her voice. very, very pretty, just not as young and bell-like. i though christine's voice was supposed to have a different, clearer quality than the french grand operas of that time. hers wasn't *that* clear or bright. but, again.... i'm being totally picky. she was lovely. i like the character, but i'm so annoyed that she left in the end with pretty boy. i felt like it was really discompassionate not to stay and talk, or keep him company. sic the mob off him. something. another reason i offocially don't like christine: rebecca WIPED HER MOUTH off after she kissed him. like..... i didn't know christine kissed erik so passionately. it was WONDERFUL. i cried. then when he walked away sobbing, she wiped her mouth off. maybe she was trying to pull off disbelief, maybe she got makeup on her mouth. but i took it as in semi-disgust. if she wants to show him he's not alone, why doesn't she tell Raoul to go away and try NOT to get caught in any more stupid traps while he's at it, and stay with him for awhile. he's so tormented. and you know she sees it..... i just can't respect her, even though she doesn't want to trap him. 3 *wonderful* kisses, two hugs, and a stupid little trinket to a man who has never known love doesn't make her a saint.

Raoul - i had an understudy. i hate understudy boards so much.......i don't remember his name. why can they use slips? rrrr.... he was incredibly good-looking, blonde, with a phenominal voice. but that's, like, everyone in the cast. he wasn't scrawny, and was pseudo-broad in the shoulders. raaar, baby. he was really great. no complaints. this is a great cast. i totally resent the character, though. it's like in miss saigon.... everyone hates Ellen just because she's with chris. it's so unromantic to have the downtrodden hero NOT get his/her beloved in the end. but, yeah. he played the part well. and how STUPID is Raoul? seriously. how many times does Mme.Giry need to tell the moron to put his hand by his face? is it difficult? and then he STILL gets caught by the Punjab Lasso. moron.

Patti Davidson-Gorbea as Mme.Giry - Mme. Giry ROCKS. i always thought she was some stiff, starchy old ballet marm. not so! she was wonderful. she was strict, but cruelly so. i really liked how she would smile and touch meg, or kind of keep an eye on her.... i think it would be an easy part to screw up and make one-dimentional, but she did well. and what a voice. flawless. she was great. funny. why would she go no further under the opera house? is she afraid of erik, even though she knows his plight? i'm glad SOMEONE takes pity on him. unlike Raoul, who's like "MWAH! he threatens my christine! shoot to kill! i'm a yuppie!"

Erin Sacks as Meg - i never knew meg was such a close friend of christine. i mean, i read that, but you have to see how best friend-y they are together. just very.... normal. and she goes down there to help her before finding the mask, which shows what a good girl she is. she sang well, she danced well... her wig was a little fakey, but that's not her fault.

Julie Schmidt as Carlotta - omg. every time she walked onstage, i was like "please sing!". she wasn't obnoxious at all. ok, well..... the chatacter was, but her voice was lovely. dare i say, even more christine-esque in some parts than christine's herself. she was funny and her voice was probably my favorite in the show, save for Mr.Keegan. beautiful pitch. loved her.

Random Comments -
Piangi and the managers were just great. hysterical. i had no idea it was such an amusing show.
The chandelier falling was really anti-climactic. it was silent. and jerky. and slow. but i was almost under it.....
my favorite parts of the CDs have always been from "....illumination! gentlemen......" to the hannibal rehearsal. i have never been so theatrically amazed..... when that chandelier went up, and the tarps came off the frame, and the backdrops and curtains changed.... i HAVE to see that again. great effect. amazing. my other favorite part is everything from "Think of Me" to "Music of the Night". i wasn't disappointed. that's the other time my jaw just dropped. they did a great job of setting the atmosphere there. i've been looking forward to the 'mirror scene/phantom of the opera/music of the night' since i bought the tickets. astounding. the sets. those two experiences *along with the end* were probably up there with Rent to me, even though the whole show was not.
the costumes were jaw-dropping.
I loved it. i'd be all about seeing it again. it hasn't surpassed Rent/Cabaret/ttB/Les Mis in my book, but i think that's because it's in a different catagory. a catagory i don't favor much. i'm still the Anti-Weber. *evil grin* but it's at the top of it's catagory. completely awesome, even though i only got attached to Erik. And Andre, simply because he was funny. i loved the story, but i feel like the show just left something plot-wise to be desired. i don't know...... it was wonderfully represented, but i felt like it was a little rushed and one-dimetional, if that makes any sense. like there should have been more to it. maybe i should read the book(s). i have the Leroux version, though i've never read it. i will now. i have a huge library, and i never get to reading everything. i guess my big beef also is, like, so many other people, i'm angry that raoul and christine love each other so much, that they blatantly flaunt it in front of a man they're both fully aware has never felt any love except for her. of course i want her to stay with him. i just wanted to get onstage and be like "I'LL stay. let's have coffee, we'll tawk, hon." i just want the big romantic ending, however unlikely and fantastical. i mean, cabaret has a severly depressing ending, but i think it has more substance than phantom. but, again...... different kinds of shows.
:: Delanor Benson 1:09 PM [+] ::
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my superman backpack is so dead.

so i go to walmart in charleston to get a new jansport. i figure i can just take the superman logo off the old one and sew it on the new one. no biggie. so i go in there, and they have 4 racks of ugly-ass purses..... and, like, 2 ghetto backpacks. so i ask 3 ladies behind the fitting room counter where the backpacks are........

"we only carry those when school starts." *gives me a 'you're a retard' look*
"why..........."
"because that's when people buy backpacks."
"but there are roughly 12,000 students in this town, all of which carry backpacks........."
"talk to the manager."
"fine. i'm going to mattoon."

and then they laughed at me. yeah. because it's incredibly funny. i nearly lept over the counter and strangled them. but instead i went to mattoon. so i went to KMart first. they have quite a few backpacks. with no prices on them. because apparently i didn't get the "you're supposed to carry a scanner with you at all times" memo. someone send me that one. but no nice plain ones....... they're all complicated with bungeee cords and water bottles and 24 different pockets. guess all the alpine mountain climbers in southern illinois shop at that Kmart. i went to WalMart in Mattoon, which is, like, 500 feet from the KMart. They have a huge assortment of alpine mountain climbing backpacks. that cost 25 dollars. has NO ONE ever heard of jansport? so i went back to school sans backpack, and getting ready to veer into oncoming traffic.

in psych today we watched a movie on crop circles. i'm thoroughly freaked out. anyway. the british governments' explanation for geometric designs popping up in fields overnight, accurate to less than an inch, with the stalks of wheat interwocen, and foreign metals found in the soil of the crop circles IS............. drumroll................ wind. *eyeroll* amusing how humans deal with the unknown. how quickly it's dismissed. i hate this species. can i be a monkey? oh, and another favorite explanation of mine.......... mating hedgehogs rolling around. yeah, seriously. btw, is that hedgehog commercial not the cutest thing you've ever seen?

i had to fill out housing requests this week. i get a single because i'm an insomniac, have clinical depression, ADD, social anxiety, borderline personality and a bunch of other stupid pointless labels that mean i get my own room. :) i totally take advantage of my 'disabilities'. which aren't disabilities, imo. i just have a different perspective. but, hey...... i get my own room out of it. anyway..... we have these three halls called the Triad. i want to live there because it's all cute and 2 stories. and near the library. so, Weller has no ac. fuck that..... i leave my windows open in the winter. so i bugged my RA and made her give me my form back. i put Ford as my first choice. and they don't have 24 hour visitation. WTF? AAAAA! so am i supposed to go back tomorrow and put McKinney? none of these dorms appeal to me. *cough*APARTMENT*cough*

just went to Champaign to get jewelry for dress. Phantom of the Opera is tomorrow. yeah. woot. i have to clean my room before Spring Break, order DCI Championship tickets, and work out classes for next semester. remind me.
:: Delanor Benson 10:21 PM [+] ::
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OMG.

so, there's this great comedian on comedy central.... and he's making fun of communion, and getting the body of christ wafers. you know. and he called them "jeezits". i need to go clean the poop out of my pants. that's great stuff. he was like 'check the date on that christ, it's a little stale'. loling. i said something like that in my *lutheran* church awhile back, and my mom flipped. i think i said 'the body of christ is a little stale today, but his blood is excellent! 5 stars!' or something. i can still see her face.

There's a BR gig in Chicago and i can't go. no ride. rrrah. will anyone take me? is anyone going? i'll pay for gas. i'm good company. i won't talk. give head. sell my kitten's soul to lucifer. whatever. *nod* i could never sell a kitten's soul, though. that's scary. like....... i'll pawn my tv..... yeah. not sell a kitten's soul.

Loewen was so evil last week..... he played, like, 5 minutes of the coolest part of The Magic Flute on DVD, then shut it off. everyone was like 'noooo! funny man in bird suit! back ON!'.................. ok. so that was just me. and not outloud. whatever.

I had a concert today at three. women's choir sounds, like, beyond shitty. i've been sick, so i missed rehearsals. i so didn't know the music. but whatever. it was cool. i should be studying for my aristotle test, but...... i can't. and i have an appointment with my academic advisor today, but i have no idea when. i'm so clueless. i also need to get a doctor's note excusing me from my absences from class. i've been so busy, i haven't had time to be all depressed and suicidal and gloomy. i need to set aside some brooding time every day. ;)

"Christ Chex...... a miracle in every bowl!"
:: Delanor Benson 12:58 AM [+] ::
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